Ask Lynn Anything

Tag: Relationships

  • Am I Enough

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m writing because I’m feeling very torn and confused. My husband recently brought up the idea of having a threesome. He says it’s something he’s always been curious about and thought it could be fun for us to explore together. He promises there would be rules—no emotional attachments, no contact with the other woman afterward, and that he wouldn’t even finish with her.

    But I’m really struggling with this. I keep thinking: what if he finds her more attractive? What if he wants her again after? Even with these rules, how can I fully trust that it would stay just a one-time thing?

    The idea makes me feel like I’m not enough for him—like he needs someone else to be satisfied, and that hurts. I’ve told him my concerns, but he insists it has nothing to do with me lacking anything and everything to do with “trying something new together.”

    Part of me wants to be open-minded, but I also don’t want to ignore my gut or hurt myself emotionally. I love my husband and want to keep our bond strong. What should I do?

    Sincerely,
    On the Fence

    Dear On the Fence,

    Thank you for your brave and honest letter. It takes courage to speak openly about something as vulnerable as this.

    Your concerns are completely valid. Threesomes—while fantasy for some—are a big deal in real relationships, especially when one partner feels unsure or insecure about the idea. It’s not just about sex; it’s about trust, emotional safety, and feeling valued.

    The fact that you’re feeling like you’re not enough is a huge red flag that this might not be the right step for you right now. Sex should bring you closer, not make you feel replaced or worried. No rule in the world can erase deep emotional doubts. Even with boundaries, human emotions are unpredictable—and yours matter most here.

    It’s also okay to ask your husband why he wants this, beyond the surface-level “trying something new.” Is it about excitement? Fantasy? Is he bored? Understanding the why might help you feel more secure—or it might tell you that this isn’t the right thing for your relationship.

    Ultimately, you don’t owe anyone—even your husband—a sexual experience that makes you feel unsafe, insecure, or anxious. If you’re on the fence, then the answer, for now, is no. Trust your gut. You can always revisit the idea later, but you can’t un-do it once it happens.

    You are not wrong for feeling the way you do. Your peace and emotional safety should come first. And if your husband truly values your bond, he will prioritize that too.

    Warmly,
    Ask Lynn

  • Secret, Surgery and Trust

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I need help with a secret that’s eating me up inside.

    From the outside, I have the dream life. I’m married to a wonderful man, we have two beautiful children, a cozy farm filled with animals, and a life I share online as an influencer. I love our home, our rhythm, and everything we’ve built together. I truly do.

    But there’s something I’ve kept hidden — even from my husband. A while back, I got an IUD. I didn’t tell him because I knew he wanted more children, and I wasn’t ready for that. In truth, I don’t think I want any more. I felt that if I told him, it would crush him, or worse, cause cracks in our perfect life. So I just… kept it to myself.

    Now things have gotten complicated. The IUD has caused an infection in my uterus, and I’ve been told I need surgery. I feel like my secret is about to blow up everything — my marriage, my brand, my image. I’m terrified that my husband will see this as a betrayal. I’m scared my followers — who trust me and think I live this honest, wholesome life — will see me as a fraud.

    I feel stuck between the truth and the life I’ve worked so hard to protect. How do I tell my husband without losing his trust? And how do I face the people who follow me and believe in me, when I haven’t been fully honest?

    Please help. I don’t want to lose everything I love.

    — Torn Behind the Smile

    Dear Torn Behind the Smile,

    First, take a deep breath. You are not a fraud — you’re human. A woman trying to protect the life she loves, even if it meant making a hard choice in silence. That doesn’t make you a bad wife, mother, or person. It makes you real.

    Let’s start with your husband. Marriage is built on trust, and right now, that trust has a crack — not because you don’t love him, but because you were afraid. You feared that honesty would cost you happiness. But silence has its own price, and you’re paying it with guilt, pain, and fear.

    He deserves the truth. Not just about the IUD, but also about your fear of having more children. Tell him with your heart wide open. “I was scared. I thought I’d lose you or disappoint you. I made a choice to protect myself and our family, but I didn’t handle it the right way.” Let him see that this wasn’t done against him — it was about your own boundaries and health.

    As for your followers: you built a platform on sharing your life, not your perfection. Being vulnerable now may actually deepen their trust, not destroy it. You don’t owe them every detail, but you can say, “I’m going through something personal involving my health and womanhood. I’ve learned a lot about fear and truth, and I’ll share more when I’m ready.” You’d be surprised how many women will feel seen and supported because of your honesty.

    Finally, about losing everything: You might lose some people. But not the ones who matter — not the ones who truly care about you, the whole, beautiful, imperfect you.

    You haven’t ruined your life. You’ve reached a crossroads. And being brave now can bring healing not just to your body, but to your heart, your marriage, and your soul.

    With love and truth,
    — Ask Lynn

  • Worried Sister

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I need help deciding whether or not I should tell my sister something that could really hurt her — but also maybe protect her.

    A few days ago, I was out on a lunch date and saw my sister’s boyfriend kissing another woman. It wasn’t just a friendly hug or goodbye — it was a romantic kiss. I was shocked. My sister has no idea, and she’s very serious about him. She talks about marrying him and having children with him. She honestly believes he’s “the one.”

    Even before I saw him cheating, I had a bad feeling about him. I’ve even tried to hint to her that I don’t fully trust him, but she brushed it off. I’m scared that if I tell her what I saw, she’ll be heartbroken — and possibly mad at me for saying anything. I don’t want her to think I’m just trying to ruin her happiness.

    But I also feel sick keeping this to myself. I want to protect her. I love her and don’t want her to build a future with someone who might betray her like this.

    Should I tell her what I saw? And if so, how can I do it in a way that doesn’t destroy our relationship?

    Sincerely,
    Torn and Worried Sister

    Dear Torn and Worried Sister,

    You’re in an incredibly tough spot, and I truly feel for you. It’s painful to carry the weight of something that could change your sister’s life — and your relationship with her — forever.

    First, you’re a good sister for caring this much. You’ve already tried to protect her, even before you saw him cheating, which says a lot about your instincts. Now that you’ve seen him being unfaithful with your own eyes, your concern is no longer just a feeling — it’s fact.

    Yes, you should tell her.

    She might be hurt, and she might even be angry at first. That’s a risk. But the truth is, she deserves to know what kind of man she’s planning a future with. Staying silent to protect her happiness now could lead to much greater pain later. If the roles were reversed, wouldn’t you want her to tell you?

    When you do tell her, try to come from a place of love, not judgment. You could say something like: “I need to tell you something that’s hard, and I’m only telling you because I love you and I want what’s best for you. I saw [his name] kissing another woman at lunch the other day. I didn’t want to believe it, but I saw it with my own eyes. I’ve been struggling with how to tell you, but I knew keeping it from you wasn’t right.”

    Let her process it. She may cry. She may get mad. But in time, she’ll remember who told her the truth — and why.

    Sometimes love looks like bravery. You’re already showing it.

    With care,
    Ask Lynn

  • Kids or No Kids

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m writing to you because I need some guidance about a big issue in my relationship. My fiancée and I have been together for 9 years and recently got engaged. Just a short while ago, she told me she’s not sure she ever wants to have kids.

    This really caught me off guard. We’ve talked about our future before, and I always assumed that children would be a part of it. I don’t understand why she waited until now—after nearly a decade and an engagement—to tell me this.

    She’s an only child, so if she doesn’t have children, her family line ends with her. I wonder if that’s something she’s thought about, but more than that, I don’t know how to respond. I love her deeply, but this feels huge. I don’t want to pressure her, but I also don’t want to ignore my own hopes for a family.

    How do I even begin to talk to her about this? What should I do?

    Sincerely,
    Confused and Concerned

    Dear Confused and Concerned,

    First, I want to acknowledge how tough this must feel. After nine years together and an engagement, it’s natural to expect that major life goals—like having children—would be fully aligned or at least openly discussed by now. So your shock and confusion are completely valid.

    People change, and sometimes thoughts about big life decisions like parenthood evolve over time. Your fiancée may not have questioned the idea of kids until recently, or she may have been afraid to bring it up earlier. Either way, this conversation was overdue, and now it’s here.

    What matters now is how you handle it together.

    Start with an honest, calm conversation. Ask her how long she’s been feeling unsure and why. Listen without judgment. Share how important the idea of having children is to you—not just from a family legacy perspective, but from your own dreams for the future.

    Avoid trying to “convince” her or making it about her being an only child. This decision should be rooted in mutual love and respect—not guilt or pressure.

    This may be a crossroads moment. It’s okay to acknowledge that. If you two want very different futures, it’s better to face that now than down the road when resentment can grow. And if you find common ground—even if it’s a plan to revisit the topic later—that’s progress.

    This is a heart-to-heart, not a one-time talk. Give yourselves space to think, process, and speak honestly.

    You’ve built a life together. Now it’s time to see if your futures still align.

    With care,
    Ask Lynn

  • Cheating Spouse

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m writing because I’m feeling confused and hurt, and I don’t know what to do. Lately, I’ve started to suspect that my husband might be cheating on me. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but there are some signs I can’t ignore anymore.

    He stays late at work more often than he used to, and when I try to call or text, he doesn’t always answer. When he finally comes home, the first thing he does is take a shower — every single time, no matter how late it is. He still shows me affection, but something feels off. I can’t explain it, but I can sense a distance that wasn’t there before.

    He’s also started hiding his phone — keeping it face down, closing apps quickly when I walk in, or taking it with him everywhere, even to the bathroom. He goes on monthly business trips, and when I try to call him in the evenings, he’s often “busy” or doesn’t answer at all, even after dinner time.

    I haven’t confronted him directly because I’m scared of what he might say — or how he might react. I love him, but I also feel like I’m being lied to. I don’t want to be paranoid, but I also don’t want to be naïve.

    How do I handle this? How can I get to the truth without destroying our relationship if I’m wrong?

    Sincerely,
    Feeling Lost and Suspicious

    Dear Feeling Lost and Suspicious,

    First, I want to say — your feelings are valid. When you’ve been with someone for a long time, you can tell when something’s not right, even if nothing obvious has happened. Trust your instincts, but also be careful not to let fear take over without facts.

    The signs you described — staying late at work, being unavailable, hiding his phone, taking immediate showers, and being secretive — could point to something going on. But they don’t definitely mean he’s cheating. People can become distant or secretive for many reasons, including stress, depression, or even trying to plan a surprise.

    That said, if his behavior is hurting you or making you feel insecure, you don’t need to wait for “proof” to speak up. This is your marriage too, and you deserve emotional honesty and openness. Avoid accusing him. Instead, try something like: “I’ve been feeling like something’s changed between us. Can we talk about what’s going on?” Stay calm, focus on your feelings, and let him respond.

    If he brushes you off, becomes defensive, or continues acting secretive, that’s a red flag — not just about cheating, but about the health of your communication.

    You might also consider seeing a counselor (on your own or together) to help you sort through your emotions and decide what kind of relationship you want going forward.

    Whatever the truth is, you deserve peace of mind, not suspicion. Trust, once broken, is hard to rebuild — but open and honest conversation is the only place to start.

    Wishing you strength,
    — Ask Lynn

  • Family Issue

    Dear Ask Lynn,
    Lately, I’ve been feeling like my parents just don’t get me. When I try to talk to them about what I’m going through—like stress from school or feeling anxious—they either change the subject, make jokes, or tell me I’m overthinking everything. It’s frustrating because I’m not trying to be dramatic—I just want to feel heard and understood.

    The more they brush me off, the less I want to open up. I keep things to myself now because I feel like there’s no point. But deep down, I still wish I could have a closer relationship with them. I see other people who can talk to their parents like friends, and I wish I had that too. I don’t want to shut them out, but I also don’t want to keep feeling ignored.

    How can I help them understand how serious this is for me? I want to find a way to talk to them that won’t lead to eye-rolls or quick dismissals. Is there a better way to get them to listen and maybe even start a real conversation?
    – Feeling Unheard

    Dear Feeling Unheard,

    Thank you for opening up—it takes a lot of courage to share how you’re feeling. You’re not being dramatic at all. What you’re experiencing is real and important, and you deserve to feel heard and supported.

    It sounds like your parents might not fully understand what you’re going through, maybe because they don’t know how to respond or think they’re helping by downplaying it. But your feelings matter, and it’s okay to want a deeper connection.

    One idea is to pick a calm moment—when no one’s stressed or distracted—and gently let them know how their reactions affect you. You might say something like, “I know you care about me, but when I open up and feel brushed off, it makes me want to shut down. I’m not looking for fixes—I just need to feel like you hear me.”

    You could even write them a letter if talking feels too hard. Sometimes people listen better when they can read without the pressure of reacting right away.

    Also, is there another adult you trust—like a teacher, counselor, or family friend—who might help you express your feelings or guide a conversation with your parents? You’re not alone, and there are people who can help bridge the gap.

    Don’t give up on that closer relationship. Change can be slow, but small, honest steps can open doors.

    You’re doing your best—and that’s something to be proud of.

    With care,
    Ask Lynn

  • Money Loaned

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I need your advice. A few months ago, I loaned a good amount of money to my best friend. She promised she would pay me back, but it’s been months now and I haven’t seen a single dollar.

    What hurts more is that she hasn’t even tried to pay me back. She acts like the loan never happened. Meanwhile, I see her spending money on other things like shopping and going out, and it makes me feel taken advantage of.

    I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to let it go just to keep the peace. But another part of me feels like I need to say something, because it’s not fair or respectful.

    Should I bring it up, or just move on and count it as a lesson learned?

    Sincerely,
    Confused and Hurt

    Dear Confused and Hurt,

    First, I’m really sorry you’re in this situation. It’s painful when someone you trust doesn’t treat you with the same care and respect.

    You’re not wrong to feel hurt. Lending money to a friend is a big deal, and it should come with honesty and communication—especially when repayment is promised. Her silence and spending show a lack of respect, not just for your money but for your friendship.

    You have every right to bring it up. Be calm but clear. You can say something like, “I know things can be tight sometimes, but I wanted to check in about the money I lent you. Even a small payment or an update would mean a lot.”

    This gives her a chance to explain and possibly make things right. If she gets defensive or continues to brush it off, then you’ll have to decide if this friendship is still healthy for you.

    Whether or not she pays you back, use this experience to set clear boundaries in the future. Lending money to friends can work, but only when there’s mutual respect—and sadly, it sounds like that’s missing here.

    You deserve better.

    Warmly,
    Ask Lynn

  • Love and Loyalty

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’ve been friends with my best friend for many years—we’ve been through so much together. But ever since I started dating my current partner, things between us have changed. At first, I thought it was just an adjustment period. But now it’s clear she resents my relationship.

    She’s accused me of neglecting her, even though I still try to make time for our friendship. What hurts the most is that she’s made up lies about my partner and about me and even tried to sabotage our relationship more than once.

    I don’t want to lose her as a friend because I’ve known her for so long, but I’m also tired of defending myself and my relationship. It’s emotionally exhausting, and I feel stuck between someone I love and someone who used to be my biggest supporter.

    How do I move forward? Is it possible to save this friendship, or is it time to let go?

    Sincerely,
    Torn Between Love and Loyalty

    Dear Torn Between Love and Loyalty,

    First off, I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It’s painful when someone who’s been a big part of your life turns against something that makes you happy.

    It sounds like your friend is acting out of jealousy and fear—maybe she feels left behind or replaced. That doesn’t excuse her behavior, especially if she’s spreading lies or trying to sabotage your relationship. That crosses a serious line.

    You’ve tried to be a good friend by staying in touch and including her, but friendship is a two-way street. If she can’t respect your choices or be happy for you, that’s not healthy.

    You might consider having one honest, calm conversation with her. Let her know you value the friendship but won’t tolerate manipulation or dishonesty. Set boundaries. If she continues to disrespect you or your relationship, it might be time to step away—even if it’s just for now.

    Losing a longtime friend is hard, but staying in a toxic dynamic is harder. Choose peace. Choose honesty. And choose the people who want to see you happy.

    Warmly,
    Ask Lynn

  • Trying to Move On

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m reaching out because I’m struggling with finding love again after a painful chapter in my life. I went through a very difficult divorce after being in an emotionally abusive relationship. It’s been a long road of healing, and while I’ve made progress, I still find it hard to trust others—and even harder to believe I’m worthy of love again.

    I have children, and they are my world. They’ve been through a lot, and I want to protect them, which makes dating even more complicated. I don’t know when the “right” time is to introduce someone new into their lives, or how much I should share about my past when I meet someone. I don’t want to scare anyone away or let my history define me, but I also don’t want to hide what I’ve been through.

    To make things even harder, my ex continues to cause issues whenever I try to move forward. They make it uncomfortable or complicated if they hear I’m seeing someone, and that creates even more anxiety and fear about dating.

    How do I know when I’m ready to date again? How can I begin to trust someone new when I still doubt myself? And how do I navigate dating with kids and a difficult ex in the picture?

    Any advice would mean the world.

    Sincerely,
    Trying to Move On

    Dear Trying to Move On,

    First, I want to say how deeply sorry I am for what you’ve been through—and how proud I am of you for surviving it and still believing in the possibility of love. That takes strength. Truly.

    Healing from an abusive relationship, especially with children and a toxic ex still in the picture, is not a straight path. It’s messy. It takes time. And there is no perfect formula. But there is hope—and you are not broken or unlovable. You are still worthy, even with scars. Especially with scars. They tell the story of your courage.

    Here’s what I want to offer:

    1. You don’t need to rush. There’s no “right” time to start dating again—only your time. If you’re unsure, try asking yourself: Do I want someone to fill a gap, or am I ready to share myself with someone new? If it’s the second one, even with fear in your heart, you might be more ready than you think.

    2. Trust takes practice, not perfection. Start small. If you meet someone, pay more attention to how they make you feel. Do you feel heard? Safe? Calm? That’s more important than chemistry alone. Trust can’t be forced—but it can grow.

    3. Your story is yours to share—but not all at once. You don’t need to give your whole past on the first few dates. You can say, “I’ve been through some hard things, and I’m open to sharing more when the time is right.” The right person will respect that and won’t pressure you.

    4. Kids come into the picture slowly. Your instinct to protect them is exactly right. Most experts recommend waiting at least a few months into a serious relationship before making introductions—after you’ve had time to see if the person aligns with your values and can show consistency.

    5. Your ex’s behavior is not your responsibility. Yes, they may try to sabotage your happiness. But that doesn’t mean you have to give them that power. Make your boundaries clear. Keep records if needed. And do not let their anger write your future.

    Above all: You are allowed to love and be loved again. You are allowed to have joy, connection, and a peaceful home. You’ve given your kids a safe space already—and now you deserve the same.

    With all my heart, I believe that love—real, healthy love—is still ahead for you.

    With care,
    Ask Lynn

  • Frustrated Parent

    Frustrated Parent

    Dear Ask Lynn-

    I’m struggling with my teenage son, and I’m at a loss. He asks for my advice, but when I give it, he ignores it or does the opposite. He constantly pushes boundaries and acts like he’s already an adult who can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants—without any consequences.

    I try to talk to him calmly, but he either shuts down or argues. It feels like he just wants me to agree with him, not actually guide him. I want to keep our relationship strong, but I also need him to understand that actions have consequences and that I’m still his parent, not just a friend.

    How can I reach him without driving a bigger wedge between us? Is there a way to get through to a teen who thinks he already knows everything?

    Sincerely,

    Frustrated Parent

    Dear Frustrated Parent,

    First, you’re not alone. Many parents hit this wall during the teenage years. Teens are wired to push for independence—it’s part of becoming an adult. But it’s frustrating when they ask for advice only to ignore it.

    Here are a few things that might help:

    1. Shift from Lecturing to Listening: Instead of giving advice right away, ask him what he thinks first. Say something like, “What do you think you should do?” It builds trust and helps him learn decision-making.
    2. Pick Your Battles: If it’s not dangerous or harmful, let him make a few mistakes. Natural consequences are powerful teachers. It’s tough, but sometimes they learn more from failure than warnings.
    3. Set Boundaries, Not Control: Make sure the rules you set are clear, fair, and consistent. Teens still need limits—they just don’t want to feel controlled.
    4. Stay Calm: When he argues or shuts down, don’t match his energy. Stay calm. Let him know the door is always open to talk, even if he walks away now.
    5. Keep the Connection Strong: Find small, non-confrontational ways to connect—watch a show together, grab food, or talk about his interests. A strong relationship is the foundation for future influence.

    You’re doing more right than you think. Keep showing up with love and firmness. He may not say it now, but he hears you more than you realize.

    Warmly,

    Ask Lynn