Ask Lynn Anything

Tag: love

  • Spicing Things Up

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m hoping you can help me with something that’s been on my mind. I’ve been married for several years now, and I really do love my husband deeply. We have a good relationship, and our sex life has always been satisfying, but lately I’ve been wondering how to spice things up.

    The thing is—I’ve never been someone who ventures too far outside my comfort zone. I’ve always been pretty traditional when it comes to intimacy. But my husband makes me feel safe and adventurous in a way I never expected. I’ve been surprised to find myself enjoying new things I never thought I would. It’s opened a whole new world for me, but at the same time, I don’t always know where to go from here.

    When I watch movies or TV shows, everything looks so exciting and perfect—but I know real life isn’t like that. Still, I can tell my husband enjoys exploring and trying new things, and I want to keep that connection strong. I just don’t know what to do next. I’m open to ideas, but I don’t really know what all is even out there.

    How can I keep our sex life exciting and fresh, while still staying true to myself? I want to grow and explore with him, but sometimes I feel unsure or inexperienced.

    Any advice?

    —Curious but Cautious

    Dear Curious but Cautious,

    First of all, thank you for your openness. You’ve already done something brave by putting your feelings into words—and that says a lot about your willingness to grow, especially with someone you love and trust.

    It’s beautiful that your husband makes you feel safe enough to explore. That’s the kind of connection many couples hope for. You’re not alone in feeling uncertain when it comes to trying new things. Intimacy can be exciting, but also vulnerable—and that’s okay.

    Here’s the good news: you don’t need a checklist of “spicy” ideas to be a great partner. The real magic happens when both people are curious, communicative, and respectful of each other’s limits and desires. Since you’re already enjoying trying new things, start small. Share fantasies (even silly ones), try a new setting or mood, play a light game that encourages flirtation. You don’t have to dive into anything extreme to keep things fresh.

    And don’t worry about matching what you see on TV or in movies—that’s scripted, edited, and not always realistic. What matters is what feels fun and real for you two. If you ever feel unsure, just talk to your husband about it. You might be surprised how open and understanding he’ll be—and how many ideas you can come up with together.

    Let this be a journey you take hand-in-hand, with laughter, tenderness, and permission to figure things out as you go.

    With care,
    Ask Lynn

  • Trying to Move On

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m reaching out because I’m struggling with finding love again after a painful chapter in my life. I went through a very difficult divorce after being in an emotionally abusive relationship. It’s been a long road of healing, and while I’ve made progress, I still find it hard to trust others—and even harder to believe I’m worthy of love again.

    I have children, and they are my world. They’ve been through a lot, and I want to protect them, which makes dating even more complicated. I don’t know when the “right” time is to introduce someone new into their lives, or how much I should share about my past when I meet someone. I don’t want to scare anyone away or let my history define me, but I also don’t want to hide what I’ve been through.

    To make things even harder, my ex continues to cause issues whenever I try to move forward. They make it uncomfortable or complicated if they hear I’m seeing someone, and that creates even more anxiety and fear about dating.

    How do I know when I’m ready to date again? How can I begin to trust someone new when I still doubt myself? And how do I navigate dating with kids and a difficult ex in the picture?

    Any advice would mean the world.

    Sincerely,
    Trying to Move On

    Dear Trying to Move On,

    First, I want to say how deeply sorry I am for what you’ve been through—and how proud I am of you for surviving it and still believing in the possibility of love. That takes strength. Truly.

    Healing from an abusive relationship, especially with children and a toxic ex still in the picture, is not a straight path. It’s messy. It takes time. And there is no perfect formula. But there is hope—and you are not broken or unlovable. You are still worthy, even with scars. Especially with scars. They tell the story of your courage.

    Here’s what I want to offer:

    1. You don’t need to rush. There’s no “right” time to start dating again—only your time. If you’re unsure, try asking yourself: Do I want someone to fill a gap, or am I ready to share myself with someone new? If it’s the second one, even with fear in your heart, you might be more ready than you think.

    2. Trust takes practice, not perfection. Start small. If you meet someone, pay more attention to how they make you feel. Do you feel heard? Safe? Calm? That’s more important than chemistry alone. Trust can’t be forced—but it can grow.

    3. Your story is yours to share—but not all at once. You don’t need to give your whole past on the first few dates. You can say, “I’ve been through some hard things, and I’m open to sharing more when the time is right.” The right person will respect that and won’t pressure you.

    4. Kids come into the picture slowly. Your instinct to protect them is exactly right. Most experts recommend waiting at least a few months into a serious relationship before making introductions—after you’ve had time to see if the person aligns with your values and can show consistency.

    5. Your ex’s behavior is not your responsibility. Yes, they may try to sabotage your happiness. But that doesn’t mean you have to give them that power. Make your boundaries clear. Keep records if needed. And do not let their anger write your future.

    Above all: You are allowed to love and be loved again. You are allowed to have joy, connection, and a peaceful home. You’ve given your kids a safe space already—and now you deserve the same.

    With all my heart, I believe that love—real, healthy love—is still ahead for you.

    With care,
    Ask Lynn