Ask Lynn Anything

Tag: life

  • Money Loaned

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I need your advice. A few months ago, I loaned a good amount of money to my best friend. She promised she would pay me back, but it’s been months now and I haven’t seen a single dollar.

    What hurts more is that she hasn’t even tried to pay me back. She acts like the loan never happened. Meanwhile, I see her spending money on other things like shopping and going out, and it makes me feel taken advantage of.

    I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to let it go just to keep the peace. But another part of me feels like I need to say something, because it’s not fair or respectful.

    Should I bring it up, or just move on and count it as a lesson learned?

    Sincerely,
    Confused and Hurt

    Dear Confused and Hurt,

    First, I’m really sorry you’re in this situation. It’s painful when someone you trust doesn’t treat you with the same care and respect.

    You’re not wrong to feel hurt. Lending money to a friend is a big deal, and it should come with honesty and communication—especially when repayment is promised. Her silence and spending show a lack of respect, not just for your money but for your friendship.

    You have every right to bring it up. Be calm but clear. You can say something like, “I know things can be tight sometimes, but I wanted to check in about the money I lent you. Even a small payment or an update would mean a lot.”

    This gives her a chance to explain and possibly make things right. If she gets defensive or continues to brush it off, then you’ll have to decide if this friendship is still healthy for you.

    Whether or not she pays you back, use this experience to set clear boundaries in the future. Lending money to friends can work, but only when there’s mutual respect—and sadly, it sounds like that’s missing here.

    You deserve better.

    Warmly,
    Ask Lynn

  • Spicing Things Up

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m hoping you can help me with something that’s been on my mind. I’ve been married for several years now, and I really do love my husband deeply. We have a good relationship, and our sex life has always been satisfying, but lately I’ve been wondering how to spice things up.

    The thing is—I’ve never been someone who ventures too far outside my comfort zone. I’ve always been pretty traditional when it comes to intimacy. But my husband makes me feel safe and adventurous in a way I never expected. I’ve been surprised to find myself enjoying new things I never thought I would. It’s opened a whole new world for me, but at the same time, I don’t always know where to go from here.

    When I watch movies or TV shows, everything looks so exciting and perfect—but I know real life isn’t like that. Still, I can tell my husband enjoys exploring and trying new things, and I want to keep that connection strong. I just don’t know what to do next. I’m open to ideas, but I don’t really know what all is even out there.

    How can I keep our sex life exciting and fresh, while still staying true to myself? I want to grow and explore with him, but sometimes I feel unsure or inexperienced.

    Any advice?

    —Curious but Cautious

    Dear Curious but Cautious,

    First of all, thank you for your openness. You’ve already done something brave by putting your feelings into words—and that says a lot about your willingness to grow, especially with someone you love and trust.

    It’s beautiful that your husband makes you feel safe enough to explore. That’s the kind of connection many couples hope for. You’re not alone in feeling uncertain when it comes to trying new things. Intimacy can be exciting, but also vulnerable—and that’s okay.

    Here’s the good news: you don’t need a checklist of “spicy” ideas to be a great partner. The real magic happens when both people are curious, communicative, and respectful of each other’s limits and desires. Since you’re already enjoying trying new things, start small. Share fantasies (even silly ones), try a new setting or mood, play a light game that encourages flirtation. You don’t have to dive into anything extreme to keep things fresh.

    And don’t worry about matching what you see on TV or in movies—that’s scripted, edited, and not always realistic. What matters is what feels fun and real for you two. If you ever feel unsure, just talk to your husband about it. You might be surprised how open and understanding he’ll be—and how many ideas you can come up with together.

    Let this be a journey you take hand-in-hand, with laughter, tenderness, and permission to figure things out as you go.

    With care,
    Ask Lynn

  • Confused but Hopeful

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m at a crossroads in my life and could really use some guidance.

    Right now, I work in an office, but I feel unfulfilled and daydream about doing something that excites me. I’ve been thinking about changing careers, but I’m overwhelmed by all the options—and the fear of making the wrong choice.

    Here are some paths I’m considering:

    • Becoming a veterinarian, because I truly love dogs and animals in general.
    • Owning an event venue, since planning and hosting events sounds fun and fulfilling.
    • Becoming a tattoo artist—I’ve always been creative, and the idea of doing something artistic and personal is exciting.
    • Creating a career that lets me work from home and make my own hours.
    • And honestly, sometimes I just want to be a stay-at-home housewife and take care of my husband and dogs. That sounds peaceful and rewarding too.

    The problem is, I don’t know how to figure out which path is truly right for me. I don’t want to regret my decision later or feel like I wasted time chasing the wrong dream.

    How do I choose? How can I be sure I’m making the right move, and not just running from boredom?

    Thank you for your time and wisdom.
    Sincerely,
    Confused But Hopeful

    Dear Confused But Hopeful,

    First, let me say—your letter is more common than you might think. So many people reach a point where they ask, “Is this it?” and wonder what else is out there. You’re not lost—you’re exploring, and that’s brave.

    The great news is, your interests all reflect important values: love for animals, creativity, fun, freedom, and care for your home life. The tricky part is that you’re pulled in several directions, and that can feel paralyzing.

    Here’s how to start making it clearer:

    1. Try on the dreams—without a huge commitment.
    Volunteer at an animal shelter or shadow a vet. Take a tattooing or art class. Help a friend plan a party or intern at an event space. These small steps can give you real insight without big risk.

    2. Pay attention to energy.
    What excites you? What drains you? After exploring, notice how each idea feels—not just in your head, but in your body. The right path often brings a quiet sense of “yes.”

    3. You don’t have to pick one dream forever.
    Careers today aren’t like they used to be—you can have multiple chapters. Maybe you start working from home, and later build a creative business. Maybe you’re a stay-at-home wife for a while, then go back to school for vet tech training. It’s not all or nothing.

    4. Get honest about fear.
    Are you unsure because you don’t know what you want—or because you’re scared to leave the comfort zone? There’s a difference. Get curious about what’s underneath your hesitation.

    5. Talk it out with your partner.
    Since staying home is one of your options, make sure you and your husband are on the same page emotionally and financially.

    You won’t regret taking the time to explore. The only regret comes from staying stuck out of fear. You already have the most important thing: a hopeful heart. Now, give yourself permission to take small steps forward.

    Rooting for you,
    Ask Lynn

  • Trying to Move On

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m reaching out because I’m struggling with finding love again after a painful chapter in my life. I went through a very difficult divorce after being in an emotionally abusive relationship. It’s been a long road of healing, and while I’ve made progress, I still find it hard to trust others—and even harder to believe I’m worthy of love again.

    I have children, and they are my world. They’ve been through a lot, and I want to protect them, which makes dating even more complicated. I don’t know when the “right” time is to introduce someone new into their lives, or how much I should share about my past when I meet someone. I don’t want to scare anyone away or let my history define me, but I also don’t want to hide what I’ve been through.

    To make things even harder, my ex continues to cause issues whenever I try to move forward. They make it uncomfortable or complicated if they hear I’m seeing someone, and that creates even more anxiety and fear about dating.

    How do I know when I’m ready to date again? How can I begin to trust someone new when I still doubt myself? And how do I navigate dating with kids and a difficult ex in the picture?

    Any advice would mean the world.

    Sincerely,
    Trying to Move On

    Dear Trying to Move On,

    First, I want to say how deeply sorry I am for what you’ve been through—and how proud I am of you for surviving it and still believing in the possibility of love. That takes strength. Truly.

    Healing from an abusive relationship, especially with children and a toxic ex still in the picture, is not a straight path. It’s messy. It takes time. And there is no perfect formula. But there is hope—and you are not broken or unlovable. You are still worthy, even with scars. Especially with scars. They tell the story of your courage.

    Here’s what I want to offer:

    1. You don’t need to rush. There’s no “right” time to start dating again—only your time. If you’re unsure, try asking yourself: Do I want someone to fill a gap, or am I ready to share myself with someone new? If it’s the second one, even with fear in your heart, you might be more ready than you think.

    2. Trust takes practice, not perfection. Start small. If you meet someone, pay more attention to how they make you feel. Do you feel heard? Safe? Calm? That’s more important than chemistry alone. Trust can’t be forced—but it can grow.

    3. Your story is yours to share—but not all at once. You don’t need to give your whole past on the first few dates. You can say, “I’ve been through some hard things, and I’m open to sharing more when the time is right.” The right person will respect that and won’t pressure you.

    4. Kids come into the picture slowly. Your instinct to protect them is exactly right. Most experts recommend waiting at least a few months into a serious relationship before making introductions—after you’ve had time to see if the person aligns with your values and can show consistency.

    5. Your ex’s behavior is not your responsibility. Yes, they may try to sabotage your happiness. But that doesn’t mean you have to give them that power. Make your boundaries clear. Keep records if needed. And do not let their anger write your future.

    Above all: You are allowed to love and be loved again. You are allowed to have joy, connection, and a peaceful home. You’ve given your kids a safe space already—and now you deserve the same.

    With all my heart, I believe that love—real, healthy love—is still ahead for you.

    With care,
    Ask Lynn