Ask Lynn Anything

Tag: life

  • Am I Enough

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m writing because I’m feeling very torn and confused. My husband recently brought up the idea of having a threesome. He says it’s something he’s always been curious about and thought it could be fun for us to explore together. He promises there would be rules—no emotional attachments, no contact with the other woman afterward, and that he wouldn’t even finish with her.

    But I’m really struggling with this. I keep thinking: what if he finds her more attractive? What if he wants her again after? Even with these rules, how can I fully trust that it would stay just a one-time thing?

    The idea makes me feel like I’m not enough for him—like he needs someone else to be satisfied, and that hurts. I’ve told him my concerns, but he insists it has nothing to do with me lacking anything and everything to do with “trying something new together.”

    Part of me wants to be open-minded, but I also don’t want to ignore my gut or hurt myself emotionally. I love my husband and want to keep our bond strong. What should I do?

    Sincerely,
    On the Fence

    Dear On the Fence,

    Thank you for your brave and honest letter. It takes courage to speak openly about something as vulnerable as this.

    Your concerns are completely valid. Threesomes—while fantasy for some—are a big deal in real relationships, especially when one partner feels unsure or insecure about the idea. It’s not just about sex; it’s about trust, emotional safety, and feeling valued.

    The fact that you’re feeling like you’re not enough is a huge red flag that this might not be the right step for you right now. Sex should bring you closer, not make you feel replaced or worried. No rule in the world can erase deep emotional doubts. Even with boundaries, human emotions are unpredictable—and yours matter most here.

    It’s also okay to ask your husband why he wants this, beyond the surface-level “trying something new.” Is it about excitement? Fantasy? Is he bored? Understanding the why might help you feel more secure—or it might tell you that this isn’t the right thing for your relationship.

    Ultimately, you don’t owe anyone—even your husband—a sexual experience that makes you feel unsafe, insecure, or anxious. If you’re on the fence, then the answer, for now, is no. Trust your gut. You can always revisit the idea later, but you can’t un-do it once it happens.

    You are not wrong for feeling the way you do. Your peace and emotional safety should come first. And if your husband truly values your bond, he will prioritize that too.

    Warmly,
    Ask Lynn

  • Discipline

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m a mom who’s stuck between being proud and being upset, and I really need your help. My teenage daughter recently lied to me—and I found out the truth through a roundabout way. Naturally, I was hurt and frustrated by the dishonesty. But when I pressed her, she finally told me why: she was helping a friend who was in a bad home situation.

    Apparently, her friend didn’t feel safe or supported at home, and my daughter stepped in to help her—without telling me. I believe her heart was in the right place, and I’m proud she wanted to protect someone. But I also feel like lying to me sets a dangerous precedent.

    I want to teach her that honesty matters and that I need to be included in serious situations like this. But I don’t want to punish her in a way that makes her feel like helping someone in need was wrong.

    How do I handle this in a way that teaches the importance of trust and honesty, but still supports the compassion she showed?

    Sincerely,
    Torn Between Two Rights

    Dear Torn Between Two Rights,

    First, let me say—you’re raising a daughter with a kind heart and strong values, and that’s something to be proud of. The fact that she went out of her way to help a friend in need shows courage and compassion, and those are qualities we want to nurture in our children.

    At the same time, your concern is valid. Lying—even for a good cause—can have consequences, especially if it involves safety, trust, or important decision-making. The goal here shouldn’t be punishment, but teaching.

    Start by having an honest conversation with her. Let her know how much you admire her empathy and her bravery, but explain why keeping you in the dark could have made things worse—not just for her, but for her friend too. Emphasize that trust goes both ways, and that you’d always want to help in serious situations like this.

    As for consequences, consider something that reinforces responsibility rather than “punishes” her. Maybe she could volunteer some time at a local shelter or youth support group—somewhere she can channel that same helpful energy, but within safe boundaries and with adult guidance. It’s a way to connect values with action, while still reinforcing the importance of honesty.

    You’re not stuck between right and wrong—you’re guiding your daughter through a complex situation with love and wisdom. That’s parenting at its finest.

    Warmly,
    Ask Lynn

  • Secret, Surgery and Trust

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I need help with a secret that’s eating me up inside.

    From the outside, I have the dream life. I’m married to a wonderful man, we have two beautiful children, a cozy farm filled with animals, and a life I share online as an influencer. I love our home, our rhythm, and everything we’ve built together. I truly do.

    But there’s something I’ve kept hidden — even from my husband. A while back, I got an IUD. I didn’t tell him because I knew he wanted more children, and I wasn’t ready for that. In truth, I don’t think I want any more. I felt that if I told him, it would crush him, or worse, cause cracks in our perfect life. So I just… kept it to myself.

    Now things have gotten complicated. The IUD has caused an infection in my uterus, and I’ve been told I need surgery. I feel like my secret is about to blow up everything — my marriage, my brand, my image. I’m terrified that my husband will see this as a betrayal. I’m scared my followers — who trust me and think I live this honest, wholesome life — will see me as a fraud.

    I feel stuck between the truth and the life I’ve worked so hard to protect. How do I tell my husband without losing his trust? And how do I face the people who follow me and believe in me, when I haven’t been fully honest?

    Please help. I don’t want to lose everything I love.

    — Torn Behind the Smile

    Dear Torn Behind the Smile,

    First, take a deep breath. You are not a fraud — you’re human. A woman trying to protect the life she loves, even if it meant making a hard choice in silence. That doesn’t make you a bad wife, mother, or person. It makes you real.

    Let’s start with your husband. Marriage is built on trust, and right now, that trust has a crack — not because you don’t love him, but because you were afraid. You feared that honesty would cost you happiness. But silence has its own price, and you’re paying it with guilt, pain, and fear.

    He deserves the truth. Not just about the IUD, but also about your fear of having more children. Tell him with your heart wide open. “I was scared. I thought I’d lose you or disappoint you. I made a choice to protect myself and our family, but I didn’t handle it the right way.” Let him see that this wasn’t done against him — it was about your own boundaries and health.

    As for your followers: you built a platform on sharing your life, not your perfection. Being vulnerable now may actually deepen their trust, not destroy it. You don’t owe them every detail, but you can say, “I’m going through something personal involving my health and womanhood. I’ve learned a lot about fear and truth, and I’ll share more when I’m ready.” You’d be surprised how many women will feel seen and supported because of your honesty.

    Finally, about losing everything: You might lose some people. But not the ones who matter — not the ones who truly care about you, the whole, beautiful, imperfect you.

    You haven’t ruined your life. You’ve reached a crossroads. And being brave now can bring healing not just to your body, but to your heart, your marriage, and your soul.

    With love and truth,
    — Ask Lynn

  • Kids or No Kids

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m writing to you because I need some guidance about a big issue in my relationship. My fiancée and I have been together for 9 years and recently got engaged. Just a short while ago, she told me she’s not sure she ever wants to have kids.

    This really caught me off guard. We’ve talked about our future before, and I always assumed that children would be a part of it. I don’t understand why she waited until now—after nearly a decade and an engagement—to tell me this.

    She’s an only child, so if she doesn’t have children, her family line ends with her. I wonder if that’s something she’s thought about, but more than that, I don’t know how to respond. I love her deeply, but this feels huge. I don’t want to pressure her, but I also don’t want to ignore my own hopes for a family.

    How do I even begin to talk to her about this? What should I do?

    Sincerely,
    Confused and Concerned

    Dear Confused and Concerned,

    First, I want to acknowledge how tough this must feel. After nine years together and an engagement, it’s natural to expect that major life goals—like having children—would be fully aligned or at least openly discussed by now. So your shock and confusion are completely valid.

    People change, and sometimes thoughts about big life decisions like parenthood evolve over time. Your fiancée may not have questioned the idea of kids until recently, or she may have been afraid to bring it up earlier. Either way, this conversation was overdue, and now it’s here.

    What matters now is how you handle it together.

    Start with an honest, calm conversation. Ask her how long she’s been feeling unsure and why. Listen without judgment. Share how important the idea of having children is to you—not just from a family legacy perspective, but from your own dreams for the future.

    Avoid trying to “convince” her or making it about her being an only child. This decision should be rooted in mutual love and respect—not guilt or pressure.

    This may be a crossroads moment. It’s okay to acknowledge that. If you two want very different futures, it’s better to face that now than down the road when resentment can grow. And if you find common ground—even if it’s a plan to revisit the topic later—that’s progress.

    This is a heart-to-heart, not a one-time talk. Give yourselves space to think, process, and speak honestly.

    You’ve built a life together. Now it’s time to see if your futures still align.

    With care,
    Ask Lynn

  • Life Decisions

    Dear Ask Lynn,
    Graduation is coming up fast, and I feel completely lost. Everyone around me seems to have a clear plan—college, jobs, or some big dream they’re chasing. Meanwhile, I’m stuck trying to figure out what I even want. Some days I think I should take a gap year, other days I panic that I’ll fall behind if I don’t jump into something right away.

    I feel this pressure to “figure it all out” before time runs out, but I don’t feel ready. There are so many paths, and none of them feel completely right. I’m scared of choosing the wrong thing, but also scared of doing nothing and watching everyone else move on without me. The fear of falling behind is real.

    What can I do to start figuring out what direction to go? How do I stop comparing myself to others and find my own path? I want to feel excited about the future, but right now it just feels overwhelming.
    – Lost in the Crowd

    Dear Lost in the Crowd,
    First of all, take a deep breath. You’re not falling behind—you’re figuring things out, and that’s actually a brave thing to do. Despite what it may feel like, so many people are in the same boat. They might look like they’ve got it all together, but behind the scenes, they’re just as uncertain and nervous as you are. Life isn’t a race, and there’s no one “right” path to follow.

    It’s okay not to have a five-year plan. The important thing right now is to get curious about yourself. What excites you? What makes you feel alive, even just a little? Explore different interests, volunteer, take a class, travel if you can, or try a part-time job in something you’re mildly curious about. Sometimes the right path doesn’t show up until you take the first step, even if it’s a small one.

    You don’t have to rush. Let yourself try, fail, grow, and change. It’s all part of the process. Be kind to yourself and trust that not knowing everything right now is perfectly okay. You are not lost—you’re just beginning your journey, and that’s a powerful place to be.
    – Ask Lynn

  • Breastfeeding in Public

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m a new mom, and something happened recently that left me shocked and confused. I went out to eat at a restaurant with my baby. While we were there, my baby got hungry, so I breastfed him. I was fully covered the entire time — no breast was showing at all.

    A few minutes later, the manager came over and said some customers had complained. He asked me to stop or leave. I tried to calmly explain that I have the legal right to breastfeed my baby, especially since I was covered and discreet. But he insisted that he “has the right to refuse service to anyone” and said I needed to go.

    I was humiliated and left in tears.

    I thought I was doing the right thing — feeding my baby when he needed it, in a respectful way. I didn’t make a scene. I wasn’t trying to offend anyone. I don’t understand how something as natural and necessary as feeding a child can make people uncomfortable.

    What should I do? Do I report this? Speak out? Or just let it go?

    Sincerely,
    Shamed for Feeding My Baby

    Dear Shamed for Feeding My Baby,

    First, I’m so sorry you went through that. What happened to you was not just humiliating — it was wrong.

    You are absolutely within your rights. In most U.S. states (and many countries), it is 100% legal to breastfeed in public — covered or not. You were feeding your baby in a respectful, discreet manner, and you should not have been asked to leave.

    The manager was misinformed. Yes, businesses can refuse service in some cases, but not when it involves discrimination — and forcing a mother out for breastfeeding is exactly that.

    You have options:

    1. File a complaint. Contact the restaurant’s corporate office or owner. Let them know what happened and that you felt discriminated against.
    2. Report it. Many states have civil rights divisions where you can report incidents like this. A local breastfeeding advocacy group or La Leche League chapter may also help guide you.
    3. Share your story. If you feel up to it, speaking out — whether in a review, on social media, or in a letter to the editor — can help raise awareness and protect other moms.
    4. Know you did nothing wrong. Your baby needed to eat. You fed them with love and care. You don’t owe anyone an apology for that.

    You were not “shamed for feeding your baby” — you were brave. And every time a mother stands up for this right, it helps break down stigma a little more.

    With support and solidarity,
    — Ask Lynn

  • Cheating Spouse

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m writing because I’m feeling confused and hurt, and I don’t know what to do. Lately, I’ve started to suspect that my husband might be cheating on me. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but there are some signs I can’t ignore anymore.

    He stays late at work more often than he used to, and when I try to call or text, he doesn’t always answer. When he finally comes home, the first thing he does is take a shower — every single time, no matter how late it is. He still shows me affection, but something feels off. I can’t explain it, but I can sense a distance that wasn’t there before.

    He’s also started hiding his phone — keeping it face down, closing apps quickly when I walk in, or taking it with him everywhere, even to the bathroom. He goes on monthly business trips, and when I try to call him in the evenings, he’s often “busy” or doesn’t answer at all, even after dinner time.

    I haven’t confronted him directly because I’m scared of what he might say — or how he might react. I love him, but I also feel like I’m being lied to. I don’t want to be paranoid, but I also don’t want to be naïve.

    How do I handle this? How can I get to the truth without destroying our relationship if I’m wrong?

    Sincerely,
    Feeling Lost and Suspicious

    Dear Feeling Lost and Suspicious,

    First, I want to say — your feelings are valid. When you’ve been with someone for a long time, you can tell when something’s not right, even if nothing obvious has happened. Trust your instincts, but also be careful not to let fear take over without facts.

    The signs you described — staying late at work, being unavailable, hiding his phone, taking immediate showers, and being secretive — could point to something going on. But they don’t definitely mean he’s cheating. People can become distant or secretive for many reasons, including stress, depression, or even trying to plan a surprise.

    That said, if his behavior is hurting you or making you feel insecure, you don’t need to wait for “proof” to speak up. This is your marriage too, and you deserve emotional honesty and openness. Avoid accusing him. Instead, try something like: “I’ve been feeling like something’s changed between us. Can we talk about what’s going on?” Stay calm, focus on your feelings, and let him respond.

    If he brushes you off, becomes defensive, or continues acting secretive, that’s a red flag — not just about cheating, but about the health of your communication.

    You might also consider seeing a counselor (on your own or together) to help you sort through your emotions and decide what kind of relationship you want going forward.

    Whatever the truth is, you deserve peace of mind, not suspicion. Trust, once broken, is hard to rebuild — but open and honest conversation is the only place to start.

    Wishing you strength,
    — Ask Lynn

  • School/Work Stress

    Dear Ask Lynn,
    I’m really struggling with keeping up with everything right now. Between school, homework, and a part-time job, I barely have time to sleep, let alone relax or hang out with friends. I’m trying so hard to do it all, but it’s starting to feel impossible. My grades are slipping, I’m always tired, and I’m feeling completely burnt out.

    I took the job to help pay for things and save for the future, so quitting doesn’t feel like an option. But I’m starting to wonder if the stress is worth it. I’ve tried making schedules and being more organized, but there just doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day to fit everything in. I’m falling behind in school and losing my energy and motivation.

    How do I find a balance between responsibilities and my own well-being? I don’t want to let anyone down, but I also know I can’t keep living like this. I need some advice on how to manage my time and maybe find a healthier way to handle everything.
    – Overwhelmed Teen

    Dear Overwhelmed Teen,

    First, thank you for being so honest—what you’re feeling is completely valid. It sounds like you’re doing your best, and that matters more than you know.

    Trying to juggle school, a job, and life is a huge load, especially at your age. Burnout happens when you push yourself too hard for too long. It’s okay to admit that something has to give.

    Start by asking yourself what’s most important right now. Is there any way to reduce your work hours, even a little? Could you talk to your boss, a teacher, or a school counselor about how much you’re handling?

    You’re not failing—you’re human. You need rest to succeed. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, set boundaries, and say no to extra things that aren’t essential.

    Remember, your well-being is a responsibility too. You deserve time to breathe, sleep, and smile.

    You’re not alone in this.

    – Ask Lynn

  • Family Issue

    Dear Ask Lynn,
    Lately, I’ve been feeling like my parents just don’t get me. When I try to talk to them about what I’m going through—like stress from school or feeling anxious—they either change the subject, make jokes, or tell me I’m overthinking everything. It’s frustrating because I’m not trying to be dramatic—I just want to feel heard and understood.

    The more they brush me off, the less I want to open up. I keep things to myself now because I feel like there’s no point. But deep down, I still wish I could have a closer relationship with them. I see other people who can talk to their parents like friends, and I wish I had that too. I don’t want to shut them out, but I also don’t want to keep feeling ignored.

    How can I help them understand how serious this is for me? I want to find a way to talk to them that won’t lead to eye-rolls or quick dismissals. Is there a better way to get them to listen and maybe even start a real conversation?
    – Feeling Unheard

    Dear Feeling Unheard,

    Thank you for opening up—it takes a lot of courage to share how you’re feeling. You’re not being dramatic at all. What you’re experiencing is real and important, and you deserve to feel heard and supported.

    It sounds like your parents might not fully understand what you’re going through, maybe because they don’t know how to respond or think they’re helping by downplaying it. But your feelings matter, and it’s okay to want a deeper connection.

    One idea is to pick a calm moment—when no one’s stressed or distracted—and gently let them know how their reactions affect you. You might say something like, “I know you care about me, but when I open up and feel brushed off, it makes me want to shut down. I’m not looking for fixes—I just need to feel like you hear me.”

    You could even write them a letter if talking feels too hard. Sometimes people listen better when they can read without the pressure of reacting right away.

    Also, is there another adult you trust—like a teacher, counselor, or family friend—who might help you express your feelings or guide a conversation with your parents? You’re not alone, and there are people who can help bridge the gap.

    Don’t give up on that closer relationship. Change can be slow, but small, honest steps can open doors.

    You’re doing your best—and that’s something to be proud of.

    With care,
    Ask Lynn

  • Relationship Worry

    Dear Ask Lynn,
    There’s someone in my class that I’ve liked for a while now. We talk sometimes—nothing super deep, but enough that I get really happy when they’re around. They’re kind, funny, and easy to be around, which just makes my feelings stronger. The thing is, I can’t tell if they like me back or if they’re just being friendly. I overthink every little thing they say or do, trying to find clues.

    I really want to tell them how I feel, but I’m scared of ruining the friendship we’ve started to build. What if they don’t feel the same and things get awkward between us? I don’t want to push them away or make them uncomfortable. But at the same time, keeping this all inside is driving me crazy. I think about them constantly and feel like I’m stuck in this weird emotional limbo.

    Do you think it’s better to just be honest and get it off my chest, even if it risks the friendship? Or should I wait and try to enjoy what we have now without adding pressure? I’m torn between wanting clarity and fearing rejection. Any advice would really help.
    – Confused and Crushing

    Dear Confused and Crushing,

    Thank you for sharing your heart—it’s clear how much this person means to you, and your honesty is really brave. Having a crush can feel exciting and overwhelming all at once, especially when you’re unsure what the other person feels.

    It sounds like you’ve built a sweet connection already, which is a great foundation. If you feel safe and ready, gently being honest about your feelings could bring relief and clarity. You don’t have to make a grand confession—just something simple like, “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you, and I think I might like you as more than a friend. I don’t want to make things weird, but I wanted to be honest.”

    That way, you share your truth while still being respectful of their feelings and space.

    If you’re not quite ready, that’s okay too. You can keep spending time together and see if their actions give you more clues. Sometimes feelings become clearer with time.

    There’s no “right” choice here—only what feels most true to you. Whether you speak up now or wait a little, you’re doing great by being thoughtful and kind.

    Wishing you courage and clarity,
    Ask Lynn