Ask Lynn Anything

Tag: Family

All the advice you need to deal with family and the ups and downs

  • Am I Enough

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m writing because I’m feeling very torn and confused. My husband recently brought up the idea of having a threesome. He says it’s something he’s always been curious about and thought it could be fun for us to explore together. He promises there would be rules—no emotional attachments, no contact with the other woman afterward, and that he wouldn’t even finish with her.

    But I’m really struggling with this. I keep thinking: what if he finds her more attractive? What if he wants her again after? Even with these rules, how can I fully trust that it would stay just a one-time thing?

    The idea makes me feel like I’m not enough for him—like he needs someone else to be satisfied, and that hurts. I’ve told him my concerns, but he insists it has nothing to do with me lacking anything and everything to do with “trying something new together.”

    Part of me wants to be open-minded, but I also don’t want to ignore my gut or hurt myself emotionally. I love my husband and want to keep our bond strong. What should I do?

    Sincerely,
    On the Fence

    Dear On the Fence,

    Thank you for your brave and honest letter. It takes courage to speak openly about something as vulnerable as this.

    Your concerns are completely valid. Threesomes—while fantasy for some—are a big deal in real relationships, especially when one partner feels unsure or insecure about the idea. It’s not just about sex; it’s about trust, emotional safety, and feeling valued.

    The fact that you’re feeling like you’re not enough is a huge red flag that this might not be the right step for you right now. Sex should bring you closer, not make you feel replaced or worried. No rule in the world can erase deep emotional doubts. Even with boundaries, human emotions are unpredictable—and yours matter most here.

    It’s also okay to ask your husband why he wants this, beyond the surface-level “trying something new.” Is it about excitement? Fantasy? Is he bored? Understanding the why might help you feel more secure—or it might tell you that this isn’t the right thing for your relationship.

    Ultimately, you don’t owe anyone—even your husband—a sexual experience that makes you feel unsafe, insecure, or anxious. If you’re on the fence, then the answer, for now, is no. Trust your gut. You can always revisit the idea later, but you can’t un-do it once it happens.

    You are not wrong for feeling the way you do. Your peace and emotional safety should come first. And if your husband truly values your bond, he will prioritize that too.

    Warmly,
    Ask Lynn

  • Discipline

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m a mom who’s stuck between being proud and being upset, and I really need your help. My teenage daughter recently lied to me—and I found out the truth through a roundabout way. Naturally, I was hurt and frustrated by the dishonesty. But when I pressed her, she finally told me why: she was helping a friend who was in a bad home situation.

    Apparently, her friend didn’t feel safe or supported at home, and my daughter stepped in to help her—without telling me. I believe her heart was in the right place, and I’m proud she wanted to protect someone. But I also feel like lying to me sets a dangerous precedent.

    I want to teach her that honesty matters and that I need to be included in serious situations like this. But I don’t want to punish her in a way that makes her feel like helping someone in need was wrong.

    How do I handle this in a way that teaches the importance of trust and honesty, but still supports the compassion she showed?

    Sincerely,
    Torn Between Two Rights

    Dear Torn Between Two Rights,

    First, let me say—you’re raising a daughter with a kind heart and strong values, and that’s something to be proud of. The fact that she went out of her way to help a friend in need shows courage and compassion, and those are qualities we want to nurture in our children.

    At the same time, your concern is valid. Lying—even for a good cause—can have consequences, especially if it involves safety, trust, or important decision-making. The goal here shouldn’t be punishment, but teaching.

    Start by having an honest conversation with her. Let her know how much you admire her empathy and her bravery, but explain why keeping you in the dark could have made things worse—not just for her, but for her friend too. Emphasize that trust goes both ways, and that you’d always want to help in serious situations like this.

    As for consequences, consider something that reinforces responsibility rather than “punishes” her. Maybe she could volunteer some time at a local shelter or youth support group—somewhere she can channel that same helpful energy, but within safe boundaries and with adult guidance. It’s a way to connect values with action, while still reinforcing the importance of honesty.

    You’re not stuck between right and wrong—you’re guiding your daughter through a complex situation with love and wisdom. That’s parenting at its finest.

    Warmly,
    Ask Lynn

  • Secret, Surgery and Trust

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I need help with a secret that’s eating me up inside.

    From the outside, I have the dream life. I’m married to a wonderful man, we have two beautiful children, a cozy farm filled with animals, and a life I share online as an influencer. I love our home, our rhythm, and everything we’ve built together. I truly do.

    But there’s something I’ve kept hidden — even from my husband. A while back, I got an IUD. I didn’t tell him because I knew he wanted more children, and I wasn’t ready for that. In truth, I don’t think I want any more. I felt that if I told him, it would crush him, or worse, cause cracks in our perfect life. So I just… kept it to myself.

    Now things have gotten complicated. The IUD has caused an infection in my uterus, and I’ve been told I need surgery. I feel like my secret is about to blow up everything — my marriage, my brand, my image. I’m terrified that my husband will see this as a betrayal. I’m scared my followers — who trust me and think I live this honest, wholesome life — will see me as a fraud.

    I feel stuck between the truth and the life I’ve worked so hard to protect. How do I tell my husband without losing his trust? And how do I face the people who follow me and believe in me, when I haven’t been fully honest?

    Please help. I don’t want to lose everything I love.

    — Torn Behind the Smile

    Dear Torn Behind the Smile,

    First, take a deep breath. You are not a fraud — you’re human. A woman trying to protect the life she loves, even if it meant making a hard choice in silence. That doesn’t make you a bad wife, mother, or person. It makes you real.

    Let’s start with your husband. Marriage is built on trust, and right now, that trust has a crack — not because you don’t love him, but because you were afraid. You feared that honesty would cost you happiness. But silence has its own price, and you’re paying it with guilt, pain, and fear.

    He deserves the truth. Not just about the IUD, but also about your fear of having more children. Tell him with your heart wide open. “I was scared. I thought I’d lose you or disappoint you. I made a choice to protect myself and our family, but I didn’t handle it the right way.” Let him see that this wasn’t done against him — it was about your own boundaries and health.

    As for your followers: you built a platform on sharing your life, not your perfection. Being vulnerable now may actually deepen their trust, not destroy it. You don’t owe them every detail, but you can say, “I’m going through something personal involving my health and womanhood. I’ve learned a lot about fear and truth, and I’ll share more when I’m ready.” You’d be surprised how many women will feel seen and supported because of your honesty.

    Finally, about losing everything: You might lose some people. But not the ones who matter — not the ones who truly care about you, the whole, beautiful, imperfect you.

    You haven’t ruined your life. You’ve reached a crossroads. And being brave now can bring healing not just to your body, but to your heart, your marriage, and your soul.

    With love and truth,
    — Ask Lynn

  • Worried Sister

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I need help deciding whether or not I should tell my sister something that could really hurt her — but also maybe protect her.

    A few days ago, I was out on a lunch date and saw my sister’s boyfriend kissing another woman. It wasn’t just a friendly hug or goodbye — it was a romantic kiss. I was shocked. My sister has no idea, and she’s very serious about him. She talks about marrying him and having children with him. She honestly believes he’s “the one.”

    Even before I saw him cheating, I had a bad feeling about him. I’ve even tried to hint to her that I don’t fully trust him, but she brushed it off. I’m scared that if I tell her what I saw, she’ll be heartbroken — and possibly mad at me for saying anything. I don’t want her to think I’m just trying to ruin her happiness.

    But I also feel sick keeping this to myself. I want to protect her. I love her and don’t want her to build a future with someone who might betray her like this.

    Should I tell her what I saw? And if so, how can I do it in a way that doesn’t destroy our relationship?

    Sincerely,
    Torn and Worried Sister

    Dear Torn and Worried Sister,

    You’re in an incredibly tough spot, and I truly feel for you. It’s painful to carry the weight of something that could change your sister’s life — and your relationship with her — forever.

    First, you’re a good sister for caring this much. You’ve already tried to protect her, even before you saw him cheating, which says a lot about your instincts. Now that you’ve seen him being unfaithful with your own eyes, your concern is no longer just a feeling — it’s fact.

    Yes, you should tell her.

    She might be hurt, and she might even be angry at first. That’s a risk. But the truth is, she deserves to know what kind of man she’s planning a future with. Staying silent to protect her happiness now could lead to much greater pain later. If the roles were reversed, wouldn’t you want her to tell you?

    When you do tell her, try to come from a place of love, not judgment. You could say something like: “I need to tell you something that’s hard, and I’m only telling you because I love you and I want what’s best for you. I saw [his name] kissing another woman at lunch the other day. I didn’t want to believe it, but I saw it with my own eyes. I’ve been struggling with how to tell you, but I knew keeping it from you wasn’t right.”

    Let her process it. She may cry. She may get mad. But in time, she’ll remember who told her the truth — and why.

    Sometimes love looks like bravery. You’re already showing it.

    With care,
    Ask Lynn

  • Kids or No Kids

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m writing to you because I need some guidance about a big issue in my relationship. My fiancée and I have been together for 9 years and recently got engaged. Just a short while ago, she told me she’s not sure she ever wants to have kids.

    This really caught me off guard. We’ve talked about our future before, and I always assumed that children would be a part of it. I don’t understand why she waited until now—after nearly a decade and an engagement—to tell me this.

    She’s an only child, so if she doesn’t have children, her family line ends with her. I wonder if that’s something she’s thought about, but more than that, I don’t know how to respond. I love her deeply, but this feels huge. I don’t want to pressure her, but I also don’t want to ignore my own hopes for a family.

    How do I even begin to talk to her about this? What should I do?

    Sincerely,
    Confused and Concerned

    Dear Confused and Concerned,

    First, I want to acknowledge how tough this must feel. After nine years together and an engagement, it’s natural to expect that major life goals—like having children—would be fully aligned or at least openly discussed by now. So your shock and confusion are completely valid.

    People change, and sometimes thoughts about big life decisions like parenthood evolve over time. Your fiancée may not have questioned the idea of kids until recently, or she may have been afraid to bring it up earlier. Either way, this conversation was overdue, and now it’s here.

    What matters now is how you handle it together.

    Start with an honest, calm conversation. Ask her how long she’s been feeling unsure and why. Listen without judgment. Share how important the idea of having children is to you—not just from a family legacy perspective, but from your own dreams for the future.

    Avoid trying to “convince” her or making it about her being an only child. This decision should be rooted in mutual love and respect—not guilt or pressure.

    This may be a crossroads moment. It’s okay to acknowledge that. If you two want very different futures, it’s better to face that now than down the road when resentment can grow. And if you find common ground—even if it’s a plan to revisit the topic later—that’s progress.

    This is a heart-to-heart, not a one-time talk. Give yourselves space to think, process, and speak honestly.

    You’ve built a life together. Now it’s time to see if your futures still align.

    With care,
    Ask Lynn

  • Breastfeeding in Public

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m a new mom, and something happened recently that left me shocked and confused. I went out to eat at a restaurant with my baby. While we were there, my baby got hungry, so I breastfed him. I was fully covered the entire time — no breast was showing at all.

    A few minutes later, the manager came over and said some customers had complained. He asked me to stop or leave. I tried to calmly explain that I have the legal right to breastfeed my baby, especially since I was covered and discreet. But he insisted that he “has the right to refuse service to anyone” and said I needed to go.

    I was humiliated and left in tears.

    I thought I was doing the right thing — feeding my baby when he needed it, in a respectful way. I didn’t make a scene. I wasn’t trying to offend anyone. I don’t understand how something as natural and necessary as feeding a child can make people uncomfortable.

    What should I do? Do I report this? Speak out? Or just let it go?

    Sincerely,
    Shamed for Feeding My Baby

    Dear Shamed for Feeding My Baby,

    First, I’m so sorry you went through that. What happened to you was not just humiliating — it was wrong.

    You are absolutely within your rights. In most U.S. states (and many countries), it is 100% legal to breastfeed in public — covered or not. You were feeding your baby in a respectful, discreet manner, and you should not have been asked to leave.

    The manager was misinformed. Yes, businesses can refuse service in some cases, but not when it involves discrimination — and forcing a mother out for breastfeeding is exactly that.

    You have options:

    1. File a complaint. Contact the restaurant’s corporate office or owner. Let them know what happened and that you felt discriminated against.
    2. Report it. Many states have civil rights divisions where you can report incidents like this. A local breastfeeding advocacy group or La Leche League chapter may also help guide you.
    3. Share your story. If you feel up to it, speaking out — whether in a review, on social media, or in a letter to the editor — can help raise awareness and protect other moms.
    4. Know you did nothing wrong. Your baby needed to eat. You fed them with love and care. You don’t owe anyone an apology for that.

    You were not “shamed for feeding your baby” — you were brave. And every time a mother stands up for this right, it helps break down stigma a little more.

    With support and solidarity,
    — Ask Lynn

  • Worried Parent

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m reaching out as a concerned parent. My child is being bullied at school, and it’s affecting their emotional well-being and confidence. They come home sad, withdrawn, and sometimes even afraid to go back.

    We’ve reported the bullying to the school multiple times, but their response has been slow and ineffective. It feels like they are brushing it off or waiting for it to resolve on its own. Meanwhile, my child continues to suffer.

    I want to support and protect my child, but I’m not sure what else to do when the school isn’t taking stronger action. Should I escalate the issue, and if so, how? What can I do at home to help my child feel safe and empowered?

    I would really appreciate your guidance.

    Sincerely,
    A Worried Parent

    Dear Worried Parent,

    First, I want to say how sorry I am that your child is going through this. No child should feel unsafe at school, and no parent should feel helpless when trying to protect them.

    You’ve already taken the important first step by reporting the bullying. Since the school hasn’t responded effectively, here’s what I suggest:

    1. Document Everything – Keep a record of all incidents: dates, what happened, who was involved, and how the school responded. This will help if you need to take the issue further.
    2. Follow Up in Writing – Send a formal letter or email to the school principal. Be clear, respectful, and firm. Ask what specific actions they plan to take and request a written response.
    3. Escalate if Needed – If the school continues to be unhelpful, contact the school district, school board, or even the state education department. Every child has the right to a safe learning environment.
    4. Support Your Child at Home – Let your child know you believe them and that none of this is their fault. Help them build confidence through positive activities and remind them they are not alone.
    5. Consider Counseling – A counselor or therapist can help your child process what they’re experiencing and give them tools to cope.

    Your advocacy is powerful. Don’t give up. You’re doing the right thing by standing up for your child—and that matters more than anything.

    With care,

    Ask Lynn

  • Frustrated Parent

    Frustrated Parent

    Dear Ask Lynn-

    I’m struggling with my teenage son, and I’m at a loss. He asks for my advice, but when I give it, he ignores it or does the opposite. He constantly pushes boundaries and acts like he’s already an adult who can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants—without any consequences.

    I try to talk to him calmly, but he either shuts down or argues. It feels like he just wants me to agree with him, not actually guide him. I want to keep our relationship strong, but I also need him to understand that actions have consequences and that I’m still his parent, not just a friend.

    How can I reach him without driving a bigger wedge between us? Is there a way to get through to a teen who thinks he already knows everything?

    Sincerely,

    Frustrated Parent

    Dear Frustrated Parent,

    First, you’re not alone. Many parents hit this wall during the teenage years. Teens are wired to push for independence—it’s part of becoming an adult. But it’s frustrating when they ask for advice only to ignore it.

    Here are a few things that might help:

    1. Shift from Lecturing to Listening: Instead of giving advice right away, ask him what he thinks first. Say something like, “What do you think you should do?” It builds trust and helps him learn decision-making.
    2. Pick Your Battles: If it’s not dangerous or harmful, let him make a few mistakes. Natural consequences are powerful teachers. It’s tough, but sometimes they learn more from failure than warnings.
    3. Set Boundaries, Not Control: Make sure the rules you set are clear, fair, and consistent. Teens still need limits—they just don’t want to feel controlled.
    4. Stay Calm: When he argues or shuts down, don’t match his energy. Stay calm. Let him know the door is always open to talk, even if he walks away now.
    5. Keep the Connection Strong: Find small, non-confrontational ways to connect—watch a show together, grab food, or talk about his interests. A strong relationship is the foundation for future influence.

    You’re doing more right than you think. Keep showing up with love and firmness. He may not say it now, but he hears you more than you realize.

    Warmly,

    Ask Lynn