Ask Lynn Anything

Category: Relationships

  • Am I Enough

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m writing because I’m feeling very torn and confused. My husband recently brought up the idea of having a threesome. He says it’s something he’s always been curious about and thought it could be fun for us to explore together. He promises there would be rules—no emotional attachments, no contact with the other woman afterward, and that he wouldn’t even finish with her.

    But I’m really struggling with this. I keep thinking: what if he finds her more attractive? What if he wants her again after? Even with these rules, how can I fully trust that it would stay just a one-time thing?

    The idea makes me feel like I’m not enough for him—like he needs someone else to be satisfied, and that hurts. I’ve told him my concerns, but he insists it has nothing to do with me lacking anything and everything to do with “trying something new together.”

    Part of me wants to be open-minded, but I also don’t want to ignore my gut or hurt myself emotionally. I love my husband and want to keep our bond strong. What should I do?

    Sincerely,
    On the Fence

    Dear On the Fence,

    Thank you for your brave and honest letter. It takes courage to speak openly about something as vulnerable as this.

    Your concerns are completely valid. Threesomes—while fantasy for some—are a big deal in real relationships, especially when one partner feels unsure or insecure about the idea. It’s not just about sex; it’s about trust, emotional safety, and feeling valued.

    The fact that you’re feeling like you’re not enough is a huge red flag that this might not be the right step for you right now. Sex should bring you closer, not make you feel replaced or worried. No rule in the world can erase deep emotional doubts. Even with boundaries, human emotions are unpredictable—and yours matter most here.

    It’s also okay to ask your husband why he wants this, beyond the surface-level “trying something new.” Is it about excitement? Fantasy? Is he bored? Understanding the why might help you feel more secure—or it might tell you that this isn’t the right thing for your relationship.

    Ultimately, you don’t owe anyone—even your husband—a sexual experience that makes you feel unsafe, insecure, or anxious. If you’re on the fence, then the answer, for now, is no. Trust your gut. You can always revisit the idea later, but you can’t un-do it once it happens.

    You are not wrong for feeling the way you do. Your peace and emotional safety should come first. And if your husband truly values your bond, he will prioritize that too.

    Warmly,
    Ask Lynn

  • Secret, Surgery and Trust

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I need help with a secret that’s eating me up inside.

    From the outside, I have the dream life. I’m married to a wonderful man, we have two beautiful children, a cozy farm filled with animals, and a life I share online as an influencer. I love our home, our rhythm, and everything we’ve built together. I truly do.

    But there’s something I’ve kept hidden — even from my husband. A while back, I got an IUD. I didn’t tell him because I knew he wanted more children, and I wasn’t ready for that. In truth, I don’t think I want any more. I felt that if I told him, it would crush him, or worse, cause cracks in our perfect life. So I just… kept it to myself.

    Now things have gotten complicated. The IUD has caused an infection in my uterus, and I’ve been told I need surgery. I feel like my secret is about to blow up everything — my marriage, my brand, my image. I’m terrified that my husband will see this as a betrayal. I’m scared my followers — who trust me and think I live this honest, wholesome life — will see me as a fraud.

    I feel stuck between the truth and the life I’ve worked so hard to protect. How do I tell my husband without losing his trust? And how do I face the people who follow me and believe in me, when I haven’t been fully honest?

    Please help. I don’t want to lose everything I love.

    — Torn Behind the Smile

    Dear Torn Behind the Smile,

    First, take a deep breath. You are not a fraud — you’re human. A woman trying to protect the life she loves, even if it meant making a hard choice in silence. That doesn’t make you a bad wife, mother, or person. It makes you real.

    Let’s start with your husband. Marriage is built on trust, and right now, that trust has a crack — not because you don’t love him, but because you were afraid. You feared that honesty would cost you happiness. But silence has its own price, and you’re paying it with guilt, pain, and fear.

    He deserves the truth. Not just about the IUD, but also about your fear of having more children. Tell him with your heart wide open. “I was scared. I thought I’d lose you or disappoint you. I made a choice to protect myself and our family, but I didn’t handle it the right way.” Let him see that this wasn’t done against him — it was about your own boundaries and health.

    As for your followers: you built a platform on sharing your life, not your perfection. Being vulnerable now may actually deepen their trust, not destroy it. You don’t owe them every detail, but you can say, “I’m going through something personal involving my health and womanhood. I’ve learned a lot about fear and truth, and I’ll share more when I’m ready.” You’d be surprised how many women will feel seen and supported because of your honesty.

    Finally, about losing everything: You might lose some people. But not the ones who matter — not the ones who truly care about you, the whole, beautiful, imperfect you.

    You haven’t ruined your life. You’ve reached a crossroads. And being brave now can bring healing not just to your body, but to your heart, your marriage, and your soul.

    With love and truth,
    — Ask Lynn

  • Cheating Spouse

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m writing because I’m feeling confused and hurt, and I don’t know what to do. Lately, I’ve started to suspect that my husband might be cheating on me. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but there are some signs I can’t ignore anymore.

    He stays late at work more often than he used to, and when I try to call or text, he doesn’t always answer. When he finally comes home, the first thing he does is take a shower — every single time, no matter how late it is. He still shows me affection, but something feels off. I can’t explain it, but I can sense a distance that wasn’t there before.

    He’s also started hiding his phone — keeping it face down, closing apps quickly when I walk in, or taking it with him everywhere, even to the bathroom. He goes on monthly business trips, and when I try to call him in the evenings, he’s often “busy” or doesn’t answer at all, even after dinner time.

    I haven’t confronted him directly because I’m scared of what he might say — or how he might react. I love him, but I also feel like I’m being lied to. I don’t want to be paranoid, but I also don’t want to be naïve.

    How do I handle this? How can I get to the truth without destroying our relationship if I’m wrong?

    Sincerely,
    Feeling Lost and Suspicious

    Dear Feeling Lost and Suspicious,

    First, I want to say — your feelings are valid. When you’ve been with someone for a long time, you can tell when something’s not right, even if nothing obvious has happened. Trust your instincts, but also be careful not to let fear take over without facts.

    The signs you described — staying late at work, being unavailable, hiding his phone, taking immediate showers, and being secretive — could point to something going on. But they don’t definitely mean he’s cheating. People can become distant or secretive for many reasons, including stress, depression, or even trying to plan a surprise.

    That said, if his behavior is hurting you or making you feel insecure, you don’t need to wait for “proof” to speak up. This is your marriage too, and you deserve emotional honesty and openness. Avoid accusing him. Instead, try something like: “I’ve been feeling like something’s changed between us. Can we talk about what’s going on?” Stay calm, focus on your feelings, and let him respond.

    If he brushes you off, becomes defensive, or continues acting secretive, that’s a red flag — not just about cheating, but about the health of your communication.

    You might also consider seeing a counselor (on your own or together) to help you sort through your emotions and decide what kind of relationship you want going forward.

    Whatever the truth is, you deserve peace of mind, not suspicion. Trust, once broken, is hard to rebuild — but open and honest conversation is the only place to start.

    Wishing you strength,
    — Ask Lynn

  • Relationship Worry

    Dear Ask Lynn,
    There’s someone in my class that I’ve liked for a while now. We talk sometimes—nothing super deep, but enough that I get really happy when they’re around. They’re kind, funny, and easy to be around, which just makes my feelings stronger. The thing is, I can’t tell if they like me back or if they’re just being friendly. I overthink every little thing they say or do, trying to find clues.

    I really want to tell them how I feel, but I’m scared of ruining the friendship we’ve started to build. What if they don’t feel the same and things get awkward between us? I don’t want to push them away or make them uncomfortable. But at the same time, keeping this all inside is driving me crazy. I think about them constantly and feel like I’m stuck in this weird emotional limbo.

    Do you think it’s better to just be honest and get it off my chest, even if it risks the friendship? Or should I wait and try to enjoy what we have now without adding pressure? I’m torn between wanting clarity and fearing rejection. Any advice would really help.
    – Confused and Crushing

    Dear Confused and Crushing,

    Thank you for sharing your heart—it’s clear how much this person means to you, and your honesty is really brave. Having a crush can feel exciting and overwhelming all at once, especially when you’re unsure what the other person feels.

    It sounds like you’ve built a sweet connection already, which is a great foundation. If you feel safe and ready, gently being honest about your feelings could bring relief and clarity. You don’t have to make a grand confession—just something simple like, “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you, and I think I might like you as more than a friend. I don’t want to make things weird, but I wanted to be honest.”

    That way, you share your truth while still being respectful of their feelings and space.

    If you’re not quite ready, that’s okay too. You can keep spending time together and see if their actions give you more clues. Sometimes feelings become clearer with time.

    There’s no “right” choice here—only what feels most true to you. Whether you speak up now or wait a little, you’re doing great by being thoughtful and kind.

    Wishing you courage and clarity,
    Ask Lynn

  • Love and Loyalty

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’ve been friends with my best friend for many years—we’ve been through so much together. But ever since I started dating my current partner, things between us have changed. At first, I thought it was just an adjustment period. But now it’s clear she resents my relationship.

    She’s accused me of neglecting her, even though I still try to make time for our friendship. What hurts the most is that she’s made up lies about my partner and about me and even tried to sabotage our relationship more than once.

    I don’t want to lose her as a friend because I’ve known her for so long, but I’m also tired of defending myself and my relationship. It’s emotionally exhausting, and I feel stuck between someone I love and someone who used to be my biggest supporter.

    How do I move forward? Is it possible to save this friendship, or is it time to let go?

    Sincerely,
    Torn Between Love and Loyalty

    Dear Torn Between Love and Loyalty,

    First off, I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It’s painful when someone who’s been a big part of your life turns against something that makes you happy.

    It sounds like your friend is acting out of jealousy and fear—maybe she feels left behind or replaced. That doesn’t excuse her behavior, especially if she’s spreading lies or trying to sabotage your relationship. That crosses a serious line.

    You’ve tried to be a good friend by staying in touch and including her, but friendship is a two-way street. If she can’t respect your choices or be happy for you, that’s not healthy.

    You might consider having one honest, calm conversation with her. Let her know you value the friendship but won’t tolerate manipulation or dishonesty. Set boundaries. If she continues to disrespect you or your relationship, it might be time to step away—even if it’s just for now.

    Losing a longtime friend is hard, but staying in a toxic dynamic is harder. Choose peace. Choose honesty. And choose the people who want to see you happy.

    Warmly,
    Ask Lynn

  • Spicing Things Up

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m hoping you can help me with something that’s been on my mind. I’ve been married for several years now, and I really do love my husband deeply. We have a good relationship, and our sex life has always been satisfying, but lately I’ve been wondering how to spice things up.

    The thing is—I’ve never been someone who ventures too far outside my comfort zone. I’ve always been pretty traditional when it comes to intimacy. But my husband makes me feel safe and adventurous in a way I never expected. I’ve been surprised to find myself enjoying new things I never thought I would. It’s opened a whole new world for me, but at the same time, I don’t always know where to go from here.

    When I watch movies or TV shows, everything looks so exciting and perfect—but I know real life isn’t like that. Still, I can tell my husband enjoys exploring and trying new things, and I want to keep that connection strong. I just don’t know what to do next. I’m open to ideas, but I don’t really know what all is even out there.

    How can I keep our sex life exciting and fresh, while still staying true to myself? I want to grow and explore with him, but sometimes I feel unsure or inexperienced.

    Any advice?

    —Curious but Cautious

    Dear Curious but Cautious,

    First of all, thank you for your openness. You’ve already done something brave by putting your feelings into words—and that says a lot about your willingness to grow, especially with someone you love and trust.

    It’s beautiful that your husband makes you feel safe enough to explore. That’s the kind of connection many couples hope for. You’re not alone in feeling uncertain when it comes to trying new things. Intimacy can be exciting, but also vulnerable—and that’s okay.

    Here’s the good news: you don’t need a checklist of “spicy” ideas to be a great partner. The real magic happens when both people are curious, communicative, and respectful of each other’s limits and desires. Since you’re already enjoying trying new things, start small. Share fantasies (even silly ones), try a new setting or mood, play a light game that encourages flirtation. You don’t have to dive into anything extreme to keep things fresh.

    And don’t worry about matching what you see on TV or in movies—that’s scripted, edited, and not always realistic. What matters is what feels fun and real for you two. If you ever feel unsure, just talk to your husband about it. You might be surprised how open and understanding he’ll be—and how many ideas you can come up with together.

    Let this be a journey you take hand-in-hand, with laughter, tenderness, and permission to figure things out as you go.

    With care,
    Ask Lynn

  • Trying to Move On

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m reaching out because I’m struggling with finding love again after a painful chapter in my life. I went through a very difficult divorce after being in an emotionally abusive relationship. It’s been a long road of healing, and while I’ve made progress, I still find it hard to trust others—and even harder to believe I’m worthy of love again.

    I have children, and they are my world. They’ve been through a lot, and I want to protect them, which makes dating even more complicated. I don’t know when the “right” time is to introduce someone new into their lives, or how much I should share about my past when I meet someone. I don’t want to scare anyone away or let my history define me, but I also don’t want to hide what I’ve been through.

    To make things even harder, my ex continues to cause issues whenever I try to move forward. They make it uncomfortable or complicated if they hear I’m seeing someone, and that creates even more anxiety and fear about dating.

    How do I know when I’m ready to date again? How can I begin to trust someone new when I still doubt myself? And how do I navigate dating with kids and a difficult ex in the picture?

    Any advice would mean the world.

    Sincerely,
    Trying to Move On

    Dear Trying to Move On,

    First, I want to say how deeply sorry I am for what you’ve been through—and how proud I am of you for surviving it and still believing in the possibility of love. That takes strength. Truly.

    Healing from an abusive relationship, especially with children and a toxic ex still in the picture, is not a straight path. It’s messy. It takes time. And there is no perfect formula. But there is hope—and you are not broken or unlovable. You are still worthy, even with scars. Especially with scars. They tell the story of your courage.

    Here’s what I want to offer:

    1. You don’t need to rush. There’s no “right” time to start dating again—only your time. If you’re unsure, try asking yourself: Do I want someone to fill a gap, or am I ready to share myself with someone new? If it’s the second one, even with fear in your heart, you might be more ready than you think.

    2. Trust takes practice, not perfection. Start small. If you meet someone, pay more attention to how they make you feel. Do you feel heard? Safe? Calm? That’s more important than chemistry alone. Trust can’t be forced—but it can grow.

    3. Your story is yours to share—but not all at once. You don’t need to give your whole past on the first few dates. You can say, “I’ve been through some hard things, and I’m open to sharing more when the time is right.” The right person will respect that and won’t pressure you.

    4. Kids come into the picture slowly. Your instinct to protect them is exactly right. Most experts recommend waiting at least a few months into a serious relationship before making introductions—after you’ve had time to see if the person aligns with your values and can show consistency.

    5. Your ex’s behavior is not your responsibility. Yes, they may try to sabotage your happiness. But that doesn’t mean you have to give them that power. Make your boundaries clear. Keep records if needed. And do not let their anger write your future.

    Above all: You are allowed to love and be loved again. You are allowed to have joy, connection, and a peaceful home. You’ve given your kids a safe space already—and now you deserve the same.

    With all my heart, I believe that love—real, healthy love—is still ahead for you.

    With care,
    Ask Lynn