Ask Lynn Anything

Category: Family

All the advice you need to deal with family and the ups and downs

  • Discipline

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m a mom who’s stuck between being proud and being upset, and I really need your help. My teenage daughter recently lied to me—and I found out the truth through a roundabout way. Naturally, I was hurt and frustrated by the dishonesty. But when I pressed her, she finally told me why: she was helping a friend who was in a bad home situation.

    Apparently, her friend didn’t feel safe or supported at home, and my daughter stepped in to help her—without telling me. I believe her heart was in the right place, and I’m proud she wanted to protect someone. But I also feel like lying to me sets a dangerous precedent.

    I want to teach her that honesty matters and that I need to be included in serious situations like this. But I don’t want to punish her in a way that makes her feel like helping someone in need was wrong.

    How do I handle this in a way that teaches the importance of trust and honesty, but still supports the compassion she showed?

    Sincerely,
    Torn Between Two Rights

    Dear Torn Between Two Rights,

    First, let me say—you’re raising a daughter with a kind heart and strong values, and that’s something to be proud of. The fact that she went out of her way to help a friend in need shows courage and compassion, and those are qualities we want to nurture in our children.

    At the same time, your concern is valid. Lying—even for a good cause—can have consequences, especially if it involves safety, trust, or important decision-making. The goal here shouldn’t be punishment, but teaching.

    Start by having an honest conversation with her. Let her know how much you admire her empathy and her bravery, but explain why keeping you in the dark could have made things worse—not just for her, but for her friend too. Emphasize that trust goes both ways, and that you’d always want to help in serious situations like this.

    As for consequences, consider something that reinforces responsibility rather than “punishes” her. Maybe she could volunteer some time at a local shelter or youth support group—somewhere she can channel that same helpful energy, but within safe boundaries and with adult guidance. It’s a way to connect values with action, while still reinforcing the importance of honesty.

    You’re not stuck between right and wrong—you’re guiding your daughter through a complex situation with love and wisdom. That’s parenting at its finest.

    Warmly,
    Ask Lynn

  • Worried Sister

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I need help deciding whether or not I should tell my sister something that could really hurt her — but also maybe protect her.

    A few days ago, I was out on a lunch date and saw my sister’s boyfriend kissing another woman. It wasn’t just a friendly hug or goodbye — it was a romantic kiss. I was shocked. My sister has no idea, and she’s very serious about him. She talks about marrying him and having children with him. She honestly believes he’s “the one.”

    Even before I saw him cheating, I had a bad feeling about him. I’ve even tried to hint to her that I don’t fully trust him, but she brushed it off. I’m scared that if I tell her what I saw, she’ll be heartbroken — and possibly mad at me for saying anything. I don’t want her to think I’m just trying to ruin her happiness.

    But I also feel sick keeping this to myself. I want to protect her. I love her and don’t want her to build a future with someone who might betray her like this.

    Should I tell her what I saw? And if so, how can I do it in a way that doesn’t destroy our relationship?

    Sincerely,
    Torn and Worried Sister

    Dear Torn and Worried Sister,

    You’re in an incredibly tough spot, and I truly feel for you. It’s painful to carry the weight of something that could change your sister’s life — and your relationship with her — forever.

    First, you’re a good sister for caring this much. You’ve already tried to protect her, even before you saw him cheating, which says a lot about your instincts. Now that you’ve seen him being unfaithful with your own eyes, your concern is no longer just a feeling — it’s fact.

    Yes, you should tell her.

    She might be hurt, and she might even be angry at first. That’s a risk. But the truth is, she deserves to know what kind of man she’s planning a future with. Staying silent to protect her happiness now could lead to much greater pain later. If the roles were reversed, wouldn’t you want her to tell you?

    When you do tell her, try to come from a place of love, not judgment. You could say something like: “I need to tell you something that’s hard, and I’m only telling you because I love you and I want what’s best for you. I saw [his name] kissing another woman at lunch the other day. I didn’t want to believe it, but I saw it with my own eyes. I’ve been struggling with how to tell you, but I knew keeping it from you wasn’t right.”

    Let her process it. She may cry. She may get mad. But in time, she’ll remember who told her the truth — and why.

    Sometimes love looks like bravery. You’re already showing it.

    With care,
    Ask Lynn

  • Kids or No Kids

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m writing to you because I need some guidance about a big issue in my relationship. My fiancée and I have been together for 9 years and recently got engaged. Just a short while ago, she told me she’s not sure she ever wants to have kids.

    This really caught me off guard. We’ve talked about our future before, and I always assumed that children would be a part of it. I don’t understand why she waited until now—after nearly a decade and an engagement—to tell me this.

    She’s an only child, so if she doesn’t have children, her family line ends with her. I wonder if that’s something she’s thought about, but more than that, I don’t know how to respond. I love her deeply, but this feels huge. I don’t want to pressure her, but I also don’t want to ignore my own hopes for a family.

    How do I even begin to talk to her about this? What should I do?

    Sincerely,
    Confused and Concerned

    Dear Confused and Concerned,

    First, I want to acknowledge how tough this must feel. After nine years together and an engagement, it’s natural to expect that major life goals—like having children—would be fully aligned or at least openly discussed by now. So your shock and confusion are completely valid.

    People change, and sometimes thoughts about big life decisions like parenthood evolve over time. Your fiancée may not have questioned the idea of kids until recently, or she may have been afraid to bring it up earlier. Either way, this conversation was overdue, and now it’s here.

    What matters now is how you handle it together.

    Start with an honest, calm conversation. Ask her how long she’s been feeling unsure and why. Listen without judgment. Share how important the idea of having children is to you—not just from a family legacy perspective, but from your own dreams for the future.

    Avoid trying to “convince” her or making it about her being an only child. This decision should be rooted in mutual love and respect—not guilt or pressure.

    This may be a crossroads moment. It’s okay to acknowledge that. If you two want very different futures, it’s better to face that now than down the road when resentment can grow. And if you find common ground—even if it’s a plan to revisit the topic later—that’s progress.

    This is a heart-to-heart, not a one-time talk. Give yourselves space to think, process, and speak honestly.

    You’ve built a life together. Now it’s time to see if your futures still align.

    With care,
    Ask Lynn

  • Family Issue

    Dear Ask Lynn,
    Lately, I’ve been feeling like my parents just don’t get me. When I try to talk to them about what I’m going through—like stress from school or feeling anxious—they either change the subject, make jokes, or tell me I’m overthinking everything. It’s frustrating because I’m not trying to be dramatic—I just want to feel heard and understood.

    The more they brush me off, the less I want to open up. I keep things to myself now because I feel like there’s no point. But deep down, I still wish I could have a closer relationship with them. I see other people who can talk to their parents like friends, and I wish I had that too. I don’t want to shut them out, but I also don’t want to keep feeling ignored.

    How can I help them understand how serious this is for me? I want to find a way to talk to them that won’t lead to eye-rolls or quick dismissals. Is there a better way to get them to listen and maybe even start a real conversation?
    – Feeling Unheard

    Dear Feeling Unheard,

    Thank you for opening up—it takes a lot of courage to share how you’re feeling. You’re not being dramatic at all. What you’re experiencing is real and important, and you deserve to feel heard and supported.

    It sounds like your parents might not fully understand what you’re going through, maybe because they don’t know how to respond or think they’re helping by downplaying it. But your feelings matter, and it’s okay to want a deeper connection.

    One idea is to pick a calm moment—when no one’s stressed or distracted—and gently let them know how their reactions affect you. You might say something like, “I know you care about me, but when I open up and feel brushed off, it makes me want to shut down. I’m not looking for fixes—I just need to feel like you hear me.”

    You could even write them a letter if talking feels too hard. Sometimes people listen better when they can read without the pressure of reacting right away.

    Also, is there another adult you trust—like a teacher, counselor, or family friend—who might help you express your feelings or guide a conversation with your parents? You’re not alone, and there are people who can help bridge the gap.

    Don’t give up on that closer relationship. Change can be slow, but small, honest steps can open doors.

    You’re doing your best—and that’s something to be proud of.

    With care,
    Ask Lynn