Ask Lynn Anything

Author: AskLynnAnything

  • Am I Enough

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m writing because I’m feeling very torn and confused. My husband recently brought up the idea of having a threesome. He says it’s something he’s always been curious about and thought it could be fun for us to explore together. He promises there would be rules—no emotional attachments, no contact with the other woman afterward, and that he wouldn’t even finish with her.

    But I’m really struggling with this. I keep thinking: what if he finds her more attractive? What if he wants her again after? Even with these rules, how can I fully trust that it would stay just a one-time thing?

    The idea makes me feel like I’m not enough for him—like he needs someone else to be satisfied, and that hurts. I’ve told him my concerns, but he insists it has nothing to do with me lacking anything and everything to do with “trying something new together.”

    Part of me wants to be open-minded, but I also don’t want to ignore my gut or hurt myself emotionally. I love my husband and want to keep our bond strong. What should I do?

    Sincerely,
    On the Fence

    Dear On the Fence,

    Thank you for your brave and honest letter. It takes courage to speak openly about something as vulnerable as this.

    Your concerns are completely valid. Threesomes—while fantasy for some—are a big deal in real relationships, especially when one partner feels unsure or insecure about the idea. It’s not just about sex; it’s about trust, emotional safety, and feeling valued.

    The fact that you’re feeling like you’re not enough is a huge red flag that this might not be the right step for you right now. Sex should bring you closer, not make you feel replaced or worried. No rule in the world can erase deep emotional doubts. Even with boundaries, human emotions are unpredictable—and yours matter most here.

    It’s also okay to ask your husband why he wants this, beyond the surface-level “trying something new.” Is it about excitement? Fantasy? Is he bored? Understanding the why might help you feel more secure—or it might tell you that this isn’t the right thing for your relationship.

    Ultimately, you don’t owe anyone—even your husband—a sexual experience that makes you feel unsafe, insecure, or anxious. If you’re on the fence, then the answer, for now, is no. Trust your gut. You can always revisit the idea later, but you can’t un-do it once it happens.

    You are not wrong for feeling the way you do. Your peace and emotional safety should come first. And if your husband truly values your bond, he will prioritize that too.

    Warmly,
    Ask Lynn

  • Discipline

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m a mom who’s stuck between being proud and being upset, and I really need your help. My teenage daughter recently lied to me—and I found out the truth through a roundabout way. Naturally, I was hurt and frustrated by the dishonesty. But when I pressed her, she finally told me why: she was helping a friend who was in a bad home situation.

    Apparently, her friend didn’t feel safe or supported at home, and my daughter stepped in to help her—without telling me. I believe her heart was in the right place, and I’m proud she wanted to protect someone. But I also feel like lying to me sets a dangerous precedent.

    I want to teach her that honesty matters and that I need to be included in serious situations like this. But I don’t want to punish her in a way that makes her feel like helping someone in need was wrong.

    How do I handle this in a way that teaches the importance of trust and honesty, but still supports the compassion she showed?

    Sincerely,
    Torn Between Two Rights

    Dear Torn Between Two Rights,

    First, let me say—you’re raising a daughter with a kind heart and strong values, and that’s something to be proud of. The fact that she went out of her way to help a friend in need shows courage and compassion, and those are qualities we want to nurture in our children.

    At the same time, your concern is valid. Lying—even for a good cause—can have consequences, especially if it involves safety, trust, or important decision-making. The goal here shouldn’t be punishment, but teaching.

    Start by having an honest conversation with her. Let her know how much you admire her empathy and her bravery, but explain why keeping you in the dark could have made things worse—not just for her, but for her friend too. Emphasize that trust goes both ways, and that you’d always want to help in serious situations like this.

    As for consequences, consider something that reinforces responsibility rather than “punishes” her. Maybe she could volunteer some time at a local shelter or youth support group—somewhere she can channel that same helpful energy, but within safe boundaries and with adult guidance. It’s a way to connect values with action, while still reinforcing the importance of honesty.

    You’re not stuck between right and wrong—you’re guiding your daughter through a complex situation with love and wisdom. That’s parenting at its finest.

    Warmly,
    Ask Lynn

  • Secret, Surgery and Trust

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I need help with a secret that’s eating me up inside.

    From the outside, I have the dream life. I’m married to a wonderful man, we have two beautiful children, a cozy farm filled with animals, and a life I share online as an influencer. I love our home, our rhythm, and everything we’ve built together. I truly do.

    But there’s something I’ve kept hidden — even from my husband. A while back, I got an IUD. I didn’t tell him because I knew he wanted more children, and I wasn’t ready for that. In truth, I don’t think I want any more. I felt that if I told him, it would crush him, or worse, cause cracks in our perfect life. So I just… kept it to myself.

    Now things have gotten complicated. The IUD has caused an infection in my uterus, and I’ve been told I need surgery. I feel like my secret is about to blow up everything — my marriage, my brand, my image. I’m terrified that my husband will see this as a betrayal. I’m scared my followers — who trust me and think I live this honest, wholesome life — will see me as a fraud.

    I feel stuck between the truth and the life I’ve worked so hard to protect. How do I tell my husband without losing his trust? And how do I face the people who follow me and believe in me, when I haven’t been fully honest?

    Please help. I don’t want to lose everything I love.

    — Torn Behind the Smile

    Dear Torn Behind the Smile,

    First, take a deep breath. You are not a fraud — you’re human. A woman trying to protect the life she loves, even if it meant making a hard choice in silence. That doesn’t make you a bad wife, mother, or person. It makes you real.

    Let’s start with your husband. Marriage is built on trust, and right now, that trust has a crack — not because you don’t love him, but because you were afraid. You feared that honesty would cost you happiness. But silence has its own price, and you’re paying it with guilt, pain, and fear.

    He deserves the truth. Not just about the IUD, but also about your fear of having more children. Tell him with your heart wide open. “I was scared. I thought I’d lose you or disappoint you. I made a choice to protect myself and our family, but I didn’t handle it the right way.” Let him see that this wasn’t done against him — it was about your own boundaries and health.

    As for your followers: you built a platform on sharing your life, not your perfection. Being vulnerable now may actually deepen their trust, not destroy it. You don’t owe them every detail, but you can say, “I’m going through something personal involving my health and womanhood. I’ve learned a lot about fear and truth, and I’ll share more when I’m ready.” You’d be surprised how many women will feel seen and supported because of your honesty.

    Finally, about losing everything: You might lose some people. But not the ones who matter — not the ones who truly care about you, the whole, beautiful, imperfect you.

    You haven’t ruined your life. You’ve reached a crossroads. And being brave now can bring healing not just to your body, but to your heart, your marriage, and your soul.

    With love and truth,
    — Ask Lynn

  • Worried Sister

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I need help deciding whether or not I should tell my sister something that could really hurt her — but also maybe protect her.

    A few days ago, I was out on a lunch date and saw my sister’s boyfriend kissing another woman. It wasn’t just a friendly hug or goodbye — it was a romantic kiss. I was shocked. My sister has no idea, and she’s very serious about him. She talks about marrying him and having children with him. She honestly believes he’s “the one.”

    Even before I saw him cheating, I had a bad feeling about him. I’ve even tried to hint to her that I don’t fully trust him, but she brushed it off. I’m scared that if I tell her what I saw, she’ll be heartbroken — and possibly mad at me for saying anything. I don’t want her to think I’m just trying to ruin her happiness.

    But I also feel sick keeping this to myself. I want to protect her. I love her and don’t want her to build a future with someone who might betray her like this.

    Should I tell her what I saw? And if so, how can I do it in a way that doesn’t destroy our relationship?

    Sincerely,
    Torn and Worried Sister

    Dear Torn and Worried Sister,

    You’re in an incredibly tough spot, and I truly feel for you. It’s painful to carry the weight of something that could change your sister’s life — and your relationship with her — forever.

    First, you’re a good sister for caring this much. You’ve already tried to protect her, even before you saw him cheating, which says a lot about your instincts. Now that you’ve seen him being unfaithful with your own eyes, your concern is no longer just a feeling — it’s fact.

    Yes, you should tell her.

    She might be hurt, and she might even be angry at first. That’s a risk. But the truth is, she deserves to know what kind of man she’s planning a future with. Staying silent to protect her happiness now could lead to much greater pain later. If the roles were reversed, wouldn’t you want her to tell you?

    When you do tell her, try to come from a place of love, not judgment. You could say something like: “I need to tell you something that’s hard, and I’m only telling you because I love you and I want what’s best for you. I saw [his name] kissing another woman at lunch the other day. I didn’t want to believe it, but I saw it with my own eyes. I’ve been struggling with how to tell you, but I knew keeping it from you wasn’t right.”

    Let her process it. She may cry. She may get mad. But in time, she’ll remember who told her the truth — and why.

    Sometimes love looks like bravery. You’re already showing it.

    With care,
    Ask Lynn

  • Georgia

    5/25/25 – “Take your time, sugar. Even the sweetest peach had to sit on a tree and soak up some sun.” Life ain’t a race, no matter how fast the world wants you to move. Some things – like healing, learning, and loving – can’t be rushed. Sit still sometimes, breathe deep and trust that your season will come.

    5/27/25 – “You can be kind and still say no. Just ’cause we got Southern hospitality don’t mean we let folks walk all over us.” Boundaries don’t make you rude. They make you wise. Being nice doesn’t mean being available for everything and everyone. Say what you need, stand firm and smile while you do it.

    5/29/25 – “Storms come, honey, but even the worst ones bring rain for the garden.” Bad days don’t mean bad life. Every hard thing you’ve walked through has taught you something – even if all it taught you was how strong you are. Let the rain grow something in you.

    5/30/25 – “Sit on a porch every now and then and watch the world go by.” You’d be amazed what you learn when you stop moving so fast. Out here, we wave at strangers, listen to cicadas and talk slow. Life is better when you actually live in it, not just rush through it.

    6/2/25 – “Family don’t always come with matching last names or perfect stories.” Sometimes it’s your cousin. Sometimes it’s your neighbor who brings casseroles when you’re down. Love the people who show up for you. And don’t be afraid to let go of the ones who don’t.

  • Nebraska

    6/1/25 – Stop chasing perfect – done is better than perfect, and trying is better than never starting. Most people are too busy with their own lives to judge your anyway. Live it loud.

  • Missouri

    6/1/2024- Don’t wait for the “right” moment -Most of life’s magic happens in the messy middle. Say how you feel. Dance even if you’re bad at it. Rest when you need to. And drink more water – you’re probably dehydrated

  • Kids or No Kids

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m writing to you because I need some guidance about a big issue in my relationship. My fiancée and I have been together for 9 years and recently got engaged. Just a short while ago, she told me she’s not sure she ever wants to have kids.

    This really caught me off guard. We’ve talked about our future before, and I always assumed that children would be a part of it. I don’t understand why she waited until now—after nearly a decade and an engagement—to tell me this.

    She’s an only child, so if she doesn’t have children, her family line ends with her. I wonder if that’s something she’s thought about, but more than that, I don’t know how to respond. I love her deeply, but this feels huge. I don’t want to pressure her, but I also don’t want to ignore my own hopes for a family.

    How do I even begin to talk to her about this? What should I do?

    Sincerely,
    Confused and Concerned

    Dear Confused and Concerned,

    First, I want to acknowledge how tough this must feel. After nine years together and an engagement, it’s natural to expect that major life goals—like having children—would be fully aligned or at least openly discussed by now. So your shock and confusion are completely valid.

    People change, and sometimes thoughts about big life decisions like parenthood evolve over time. Your fiancée may not have questioned the idea of kids until recently, or she may have been afraid to bring it up earlier. Either way, this conversation was overdue, and now it’s here.

    What matters now is how you handle it together.

    Start with an honest, calm conversation. Ask her how long she’s been feeling unsure and why. Listen without judgment. Share how important the idea of having children is to you—not just from a family legacy perspective, but from your own dreams for the future.

    Avoid trying to “convince” her or making it about her being an only child. This decision should be rooted in mutual love and respect—not guilt or pressure.

    This may be a crossroads moment. It’s okay to acknowledge that. If you two want very different futures, it’s better to face that now than down the road when resentment can grow. And if you find common ground—even if it’s a plan to revisit the topic later—that’s progress.

    This is a heart-to-heart, not a one-time talk. Give yourselves space to think, process, and speak honestly.

    You’ve built a life together. Now it’s time to see if your futures still align.

    With care,
    Ask Lynn

  • Life Decisions

    Dear Ask Lynn,
    Graduation is coming up fast, and I feel completely lost. Everyone around me seems to have a clear plan—college, jobs, or some big dream they’re chasing. Meanwhile, I’m stuck trying to figure out what I even want. Some days I think I should take a gap year, other days I panic that I’ll fall behind if I don’t jump into something right away.

    I feel this pressure to “figure it all out” before time runs out, but I don’t feel ready. There are so many paths, and none of them feel completely right. I’m scared of choosing the wrong thing, but also scared of doing nothing and watching everyone else move on without me. The fear of falling behind is real.

    What can I do to start figuring out what direction to go? How do I stop comparing myself to others and find my own path? I want to feel excited about the future, but right now it just feels overwhelming.
    – Lost in the Crowd

    Dear Lost in the Crowd,
    First of all, take a deep breath. You’re not falling behind—you’re figuring things out, and that’s actually a brave thing to do. Despite what it may feel like, so many people are in the same boat. They might look like they’ve got it all together, but behind the scenes, they’re just as uncertain and nervous as you are. Life isn’t a race, and there’s no one “right” path to follow.

    It’s okay not to have a five-year plan. The important thing right now is to get curious about yourself. What excites you? What makes you feel alive, even just a little? Explore different interests, volunteer, take a class, travel if you can, or try a part-time job in something you’re mildly curious about. Sometimes the right path doesn’t show up until you take the first step, even if it’s a small one.

    You don’t have to rush. Let yourself try, fail, grow, and change. It’s all part of the process. Be kind to yourself and trust that not knowing everything right now is perfectly okay. You are not lost—you’re just beginning your journey, and that’s a powerful place to be.
    – Ask Lynn

  • Breastfeeding in Public

    Dear Ask Lynn,

    I’m a new mom, and something happened recently that left me shocked and confused. I went out to eat at a restaurant with my baby. While we were there, my baby got hungry, so I breastfed him. I was fully covered the entire time — no breast was showing at all.

    A few minutes later, the manager came over and said some customers had complained. He asked me to stop or leave. I tried to calmly explain that I have the legal right to breastfeed my baby, especially since I was covered and discreet. But he insisted that he “has the right to refuse service to anyone” and said I needed to go.

    I was humiliated and left in tears.

    I thought I was doing the right thing — feeding my baby when he needed it, in a respectful way. I didn’t make a scene. I wasn’t trying to offend anyone. I don’t understand how something as natural and necessary as feeding a child can make people uncomfortable.

    What should I do? Do I report this? Speak out? Or just let it go?

    Sincerely,
    Shamed for Feeding My Baby

    Dear Shamed for Feeding My Baby,

    First, I’m so sorry you went through that. What happened to you was not just humiliating — it was wrong.

    You are absolutely within your rights. In most U.S. states (and many countries), it is 100% legal to breastfeed in public — covered or not. You were feeding your baby in a respectful, discreet manner, and you should not have been asked to leave.

    The manager was misinformed. Yes, businesses can refuse service in some cases, but not when it involves discrimination — and forcing a mother out for breastfeeding is exactly that.

    You have options:

    1. File a complaint. Contact the restaurant’s corporate office or owner. Let them know what happened and that you felt discriminated against.
    2. Report it. Many states have civil rights divisions where you can report incidents like this. A local breastfeeding advocacy group or La Leche League chapter may also help guide you.
    3. Share your story. If you feel up to it, speaking out — whether in a review, on social media, or in a letter to the editor — can help raise awareness and protect other moms.
    4. Know you did nothing wrong. Your baby needed to eat. You fed them with love and care. You don’t owe anyone an apology for that.

    You were not “shamed for feeding your baby” — you were brave. And every time a mother stands up for this right, it helps break down stigma a little more.

    With support and solidarity,
    — Ask Lynn