Love and Loyalty

Dear Ask Lynn,

I’ve been friends with my best friend for many years—we’ve been through so much together. But ever since I started dating my current partner, things between us have changed. At first, I thought it was just an adjustment period. But now it’s clear she resents my relationship.

She’s accused me of neglecting her, even though I still try to make time for our friendship. What hurts the most is that she’s made up lies about my partner and about me and even tried to sabotage our relationship more than once.

I don’t want to lose her as a friend because I’ve known her for so long, but I’m also tired of defending myself and my relationship. It’s emotionally exhausting, and I feel stuck between someone I love and someone who used to be my biggest supporter.

How do I move forward? Is it possible to save this friendship, or is it time to let go?

Sincerely,
Torn Between Love and Loyalty

Dear Torn Between Love and Loyalty,

First off, I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It’s painful when someone who’s been a big part of your life turns against something that makes you happy.

It sounds like your friend is acting out of jealousy and fear—maybe she feels left behind or replaced. That doesn’t excuse her behavior, especially if she’s spreading lies or trying to sabotage your relationship. That crosses a serious line.

You’ve tried to be a good friend by staying in touch and including her, but friendship is a two-way street. If she can’t respect your choices or be happy for you, that’s not healthy.

You might consider having one honest, calm conversation with her. Let her know you value the friendship but won’t tolerate manipulation or dishonesty. Set boundaries. If she continues to disrespect you or your relationship, it might be time to step away—even if it’s just for now.

Losing a longtime friend is hard, but staying in a toxic dynamic is harder. Choose peace. Choose honesty. And choose the people who want to see you happy.

Warmly,
Ask Lynn