Trying to Move On

Dear Ask Lynn,

I’m reaching out because I’m struggling with finding love again after a painful chapter in my life. I went through a very difficult divorce after being in an emotionally abusive relationship. It’s been a long road of healing, and while I’ve made progress, I still find it hard to trust others—and even harder to believe I’m worthy of love again.

I have children, and they are my world. They’ve been through a lot, and I want to protect them, which makes dating even more complicated. I don’t know when the “right” time is to introduce someone new into their lives, or how much I should share about my past when I meet someone. I don’t want to scare anyone away or let my history define me, but I also don’t want to hide what I’ve been through.

To make things even harder, my ex continues to cause issues whenever I try to move forward. They make it uncomfortable or complicated if they hear I’m seeing someone, and that creates even more anxiety and fear about dating.

How do I know when I’m ready to date again? How can I begin to trust someone new when I still doubt myself? And how do I navigate dating with kids and a difficult ex in the picture?

Any advice would mean the world.

Sincerely,
Trying to Move On

Dear Trying to Move On,

First, I want to say how deeply sorry I am for what you’ve been through—and how proud I am of you for surviving it and still believing in the possibility of love. That takes strength. Truly.

Healing from an abusive relationship, especially with children and a toxic ex still in the picture, is not a straight path. It’s messy. It takes time. And there is no perfect formula. But there is hope—and you are not broken or unlovable. You are still worthy, even with scars. Especially with scars. They tell the story of your courage.

Here’s what I want to offer:

1. You don’t need to rush. There’s no “right” time to start dating again—only your time. If you’re unsure, try asking yourself: Do I want someone to fill a gap, or am I ready to share myself with someone new? If it’s the second one, even with fear in your heart, you might be more ready than you think.

2. Trust takes practice, not perfection. Start small. If you meet someone, pay more attention to how they make you feel. Do you feel heard? Safe? Calm? That’s more important than chemistry alone. Trust can’t be forced—but it can grow.

3. Your story is yours to share—but not all at once. You don’t need to give your whole past on the first few dates. You can say, “I’ve been through some hard things, and I’m open to sharing more when the time is right.” The right person will respect that and won’t pressure you.

4. Kids come into the picture slowly. Your instinct to protect them is exactly right. Most experts recommend waiting at least a few months into a serious relationship before making introductions—after you’ve had time to see if the person aligns with your values and can show consistency.

5. Your ex’s behavior is not your responsibility. Yes, they may try to sabotage your happiness. But that doesn’t mean you have to give them that power. Make your boundaries clear. Keep records if needed. And do not let their anger write your future.

Above all: You are allowed to love and be loved again. You are allowed to have joy, connection, and a peaceful home. You’ve given your kids a safe space already—and now you deserve the same.

With all my heart, I believe that love—real, healthy love—is still ahead for you.

With care,
Ask Lynn