Spicing Things Up

Dear Ask Lynn,

I’m hoping you can help me with something that’s been on my mind. I’ve been married for several years now, and I really do love my husband deeply. We have a good relationship, and our sex life has always been satisfying, but lately I’ve been wondering how to spice things up.

The thing is—I’ve never been someone who ventures too far outside my comfort zone. I’ve always been pretty traditional when it comes to intimacy. But my husband makes me feel safe and adventurous in a way I never expected. I’ve been surprised to find myself enjoying new things I never thought I would. It’s opened a whole new world for me, but at the same time, I don’t always know where to go from here.

When I watch movies or TV shows, everything looks so exciting and perfect—but I know real life isn’t like that. Still, I can tell my husband enjoys exploring and trying new things, and I want to keep that connection strong. I just don’t know what to do next. I’m open to ideas, but I don’t really know what all is even out there.

How can I keep our sex life exciting and fresh, while still staying true to myself? I want to grow and explore with him, but sometimes I feel unsure or inexperienced.

Any advice?

—Curious but Cautious

Dear Curious but Cautious,

First of all, thank you for your openness. You’ve already done something brave by putting your feelings into words—and that says a lot about your willingness to grow, especially with someone you love and trust.

It’s beautiful that your husband makes you feel safe enough to explore. That’s the kind of connection many couples hope for. You’re not alone in feeling uncertain when it comes to trying new things. Intimacy can be exciting, but also vulnerable—and that’s okay.

Here’s the good news: you don’t need a checklist of “spicy” ideas to be a great partner. The real magic happens when both people are curious, communicative, and respectful of each other’s limits and desires. Since you’re already enjoying trying new things, start small. Share fantasies (even silly ones), try a new setting or mood, play a light game that encourages flirtation. You don’t have to dive into anything extreme to keep things fresh.

And don’t worry about matching what you see on TV or in movies—that’s scripted, edited, and not always realistic. What matters is what feels fun and real for you two. If you ever feel unsure, just talk to your husband about it. You might be surprised how open and understanding he’ll be—and how many ideas you can come up with together.

Let this be a journey you take hand-in-hand, with laughter, tenderness, and permission to figure things out as you go.

With care,
Ask Lynn