Frustrated Parent

Dear Ask Lynn-

I’m struggling with my teenage son, and I’m at a loss. He asks for my advice, but when I give it, he ignores it or does the opposite. He constantly pushes boundaries and acts like he’s already an adult who can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants—without any consequences.

I try to talk to him calmly, but he either shuts down or argues. It feels like he just wants me to agree with him, not actually guide him. I want to keep our relationship strong, but I also need him to understand that actions have consequences and that I’m still his parent, not just a friend.

How can I reach him without driving a bigger wedge between us? Is there a way to get through to a teen who thinks he already knows everything?

Sincerely,

Frustrated Parent

Dear Frustrated Parent,

First, you’re not alone. Many parents hit this wall during the teenage years. Teens are wired to push for independence—it’s part of becoming an adult. But it’s frustrating when they ask for advice only to ignore it.

Here are a few things that might help:

1. Shift from Lecturing to Listening: Instead of giving advice right away, ask him what he thinks first. Say something like, “What do you think you should do?” It builds trust and helps him learn decision-making.
2. Pick Your Battles: If it’s not dangerous or harmful, let him make a few mistakes. Natural consequences are powerful teachers. It’s tough, but sometimes they learn more from failure than warnings.
3. Set Boundaries, Not Control: Make sure the rules you set are clear, fair, and consistent. Teens still need limits—they just don’t want to feel controlled.
4. Stay Calm: When he argues or shuts down, don’t match his energy. Stay calm. Let him know the door is always open to talk, even if he walks away now.
5. Keep the Connection Strong: Find small, non-confrontational ways to connect—watch a show together, grab food, or talk about his interests. A strong relationship is the foundation for future influence.

You’re doing more right than you think. Keep showing up with love and firmness. He may not say it now, but he hears you more than you realize.

Warmly,

Ask Lynn